Hey friends, it’s time for a bit of real talk. Thanksgiving is approaching, and it should be (and is!) such a fun and fulfilling time to enjoy family and food. But sometimes, enjoying that second part, food, can be a little challenging for some. We all have heard about or have that one family member that makes unappreciated comments about how much you’re eating or what you choose to eat, and that can make the holiday very difficult. So here, I wanted to discuss some tips for what to do in that situation.
First of all let’s talk a little logic. You need to eat. You just have to. It is literally impossible to continue living without eating. You might be able to go a couple weeks until you die, but it only takes a day for your body to switch from thriving to surviving if you don’t have any food. We’ve all been hangry before, so you know how cloudy and strange it feels when you don’t eat.
Now that we have that covered, we can address the idea of needing to “save up” calories for Thanksgiving. Sometimes people talk about dieting the whole week before, working out or skipping meals until dinner to save up for Thanksgiving. But here’s the tea sis: That’s not necessary. Sometimes we demonize certain foods and certain meals, such as Thanksgiving, but all types of food provide energy that our bodies need to function. As long as you are choosing nutrient dense options 80% of the time, your body isn’t suddenly and tragically going to change if you choose a slightly less nutrient dense option, or if you eat a food that is different from your typical diet.
Here’s an example: Thanksgiving foods are often thought of as decadent and rich. But imagine a balanced plate that covers all the different food groups. For example, let’s say you’re eating a ham and cheese sandwich with an apple and baby carrots. Pretty universally recognized as a healthy and balanced lunch, right? The bread covers carbohydrates, the ham covers a protein source, cheese covers dairy and protein, apple for fruit and carrots for vegetables.
Now for Thanksgiving, you have some mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, turkey and green bean casserole on your plate. Mashed potatoes are a source of carbohydrates, cranberry sauce is made of fruit, turkey is a protein, and green beans are a vegetable. Look at how we swapped out each category of sandwich ingredients with Thanksgiving foods, and it still made a balance plate. Your plate may look more full, as you are eating each category separately rather than combined in a sandwich, but you are still eating the same things. Both plates are equally part of a healthy diet, but yet we still tend to think of the Thanksgiving one as “unhealthy,” when really, it isn’t.
I do not believe in counting calories, however, if you’re worried about gaining weight from your Thanksgiving meal, we can use some calorie logic to disprove that theory. Again, many people think they have to “save” their calories for Thanksgiving or they believe they will literally gain pounds after eating. You may bloat a little, but that is simply your body processing the fact that it literally has more mass, from the food you ate, inside of it. Think about if you stepped on a scale, and then you stepped on a scale holding a watermelon. Your weight will go up simply because you are holding something, but as soon as you put the watermelon down, the scale will go back to your normal body weight. It’s the same thing that happens right after eating a meal. That temporary food weight will very quickly pass through your body, and the added mass will be gone.
It takes about 3,500 calories to equal a pound of body weight. But keep in mind, that is 3,500 extra calories you have to consume, due to the fact that your body doesn’t store calories as fat until it has used every calorie it needs to live. By this I mean, think about all the food you eat in one day – breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. All of that is the calories you consume, and your body burns them right off so that you can keep up with daily life. No one eats exactly the same amount of calories every day, so your body can handle some fluctuation without gaining weight. Now, if you wanted to gain a pound in one day (like people think they will on Thanksgiving), you would have to eat everything you already eat, and then eat 3,500 surplus calories to gain just a pound. So imagine a full day of eating, and then eating a little extra, because your body can increase its own metabolism to deal with a fluctuation in calories, and then eat approximately seven big macs (yes, on top of all the other food). That’s literally impossible, your body can’t even fit that much food inside of it (unless maybe you’re a professional eater).
Now that you have the logic piece on why you shouldn’t be afraid to eat on Thanksgiving, let’s address the mental aspect. To me, having logic is very helpful, but sometimes it is still a mental struggle, especially if family member are making various comments.
First of all, if you are having a prolonged series of fears surrounding food and eating, I suggest seeking professional help. It is ok to ask for help, and you aren’t the only one. Many people struggle with the same thing, and your life will improve if you take the time to address your fears.
To those who just struggle around the holiday, here are some tips for you. First off, take a deep breath. Think about why you are here. Typically we enjoy Thanksgiving to enjoy some quality time with family and friends. You should enjoy all the foods at Thanksgiving, but ultimately the meal isn’t about eating, the food is supposed to bring people together to enjoy some quality time.
Secondly, be a role model. Back in the day, we didn’t have as much knowledge on mental health and body acceptance, so some of your family might be stuck in the past. This can be a very hard mindset to get into, but think about yourself as a leader and a teacher, showing your family how to have a healthier relationship with food and their bodies. And appreciate your body as well. Our bodies can do so many amazing things, and each of us, as individuals, have so many talents to discover. We are so much more than what our bodies look like, but even then, everyone was created to be uniquely beautiful, and you should be proud of every part of your body. Give thanks to your body for allowing you to exist, and fuel it with some tasty Thanksgiving foods.
Last but not least, the big question – what do you do when grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, fish or anyone else makes a comment saying “you look different” or “can you really eat all that?” First of all, while comments like those are not necessary, you need to be able to push it aside. Acknowledge that the comment was rude, take a deep breath, and force yourself to stop that comment from ringing in your ears. Then, acknowledge the truth and reason with yourself. If someone asks if you can really eat that much, no one said you don’t have any fantastic qualities. If they do comment on your looks, then they are not acknowledging the fact that there are so many more important aspects. Also, beauty is subjective and in the eye of the beholder. What one person may say is “ugly” could be completely attractive to someone else. And anyone who can’t see past that is a loser.
Next, this does take a lot of confidence, but in order to regain control of the situation, it is important to tell the person how that made you feel. Try using a statement such as: when you say (that), I think (this), and that makes me feel (blank). For instance, something I’ve used is: When you ask me if I can eat that much, I feel like you are judging me and that I am doing something wrong, and I struggle to enjoy my meal. Sometimes, the person doesn’t realize how their comment made you feel, and if you tell them, you can help them work on being more careful about potentially triggering you and other people.
And unfortunately, you will also meet those people who don’t care how they make you feel, or will argue that you are rude. In this case, you have to stick to your own truth. Go back to logic and create your own peace. If this means you have to take a step back for a minute, that’s ok, but be a leader, come back and enjoy yourself.
To anyone who needs this for Thanksgiving, I hope it helped. I hope everyone has a happy holiday filled with lots of good food, and let’s make a pact to experience no shame. Much love! Feel free to send this to anyone who needs a lil’ reminder!
Adri <3