At 20 years old I will be graduating with my Bachelors degree, as exciting as it sounds it’s very scary. It’s scary graduating college, it’s another level when graduating younger than most who are walking the stage alongside you. Despite always being academically inclined, I am still plagued with self doubt that creeps upon me when I am accomplishing major things. This has happened since middle and high school when I was in classes with peers my age. I always questioned if I were in the right classes despite my good grades and test scores. I felt like I was in places that I never belonged in and that I was intruding. This feeling has been confusing for me, because I don’t know why I have felt this way.
Life in college has been a roller coaster. It felt surreal when I was in a level 3,000 class my very first semester of college. I felt so small compared to everyone else I saw, who looked much older than I did, who handled the fast note taking better than I did. Granted, me feeling inexperienced is normal because it was my first semester, but that was a very familiar feeling that I had felt before. Fast forward to now and yet again I feel vastly inexperienced compared to my graduating peers. I am currently applying and interviewing for graduate school and I feel way out of place to be doing any of this.
I’ve been trying to manage my feelings, but nothing has been working. I just have to keep my head up to make sure I know for a fact that I belong where I am, and that my age and what I believe about myself mean nothing. I try to put a positive spin on everything to ensure that my self doubt does not creep on me like it usually does. It may not be today, or in a month, but I will shake this feeling and be confident not only in my abilities, but in my place wherever I am.