“Take the moment and taste it, you’ve got no reason to be afraid. You’re on your own, kid, but you can face this.”
Taylor Swift, “You’re On Your Own, Kid”
At the time of this article being published, it will be the day before my nineteenth birthday, which is also my golden birthday (19 on the 19th!). The next year of my life is going to be the most eventful, and as a girl who is a water sign in her Sun, Moon, Rising, and several other placements (for a whopping total of 6/11!), you could probably guess I’m feeling pretty emotional about it. This past year has been unforgettable in so many ways, and I am so grateful for the experiences I have had and the people I have met. Here’s an abridged version of my highlights from 18, since I have so much to be proud of and thankful for:
- Going to the Eras Tour with my best friend
- 2 rounds of Broadway Cares Cabarets (2023 and 2024), raising thousands of dollars for people living with HIV/AIDS through performance
- Voting for the first time!!!
- Signing a lease on an apartment (aka being so adult!) with that same best friend!
- Being offered a research job by a notoriously difficult professor
- Taking control of my relationship with food (a work in progress)
- Celebrating my second anniversary and third Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend <3
- Being selected as a recipient of multiple external scholarships
- Traveling to Chicago with, you guessed it, my best friend!
- Last but far from least, of course, joining Her Campus and letting people inside my mind through my writing, and in the process meeting some of my favorite people in the whole world!
With all of these memories and accomplishments at the forefront of my mind and heart, here are my personal goals for my next trip around the sun:
- Focus on Myself More
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I spend a lot of time worrying about other people and doing my best to take care of my loved ones, and while I know empathy is a virtue and I’m glad I feel for others as deeply as I do, it can be detrimental. This year, I hope to be able to take care of myself first and foremost in every regard while still giving effort into the people and relationships I care about. I am going to have a lot on my plate for basically the entire next year, and that needs to be where I focus a good amount of my mental energy.
- Never Look back
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In my 19th year, I will be starting my final year of college as I will be graduating in Spring 2025. The last thing I want is to have regrets about things I wish I did during my time at BGSU, so I want to make sure if there’s something I want to do, I will do it. I face a lot of anxiety and worry every day, and I want to push myself this year to put myself out there, because this was an item on my goal list for 18 as well, and it has worked out very well for me so far. This goes for trying new experiences, making new friends, and learning new things about life, as it will also be my first year living as a real adult (in an apartment rather than a dorm).
- Continue to grow personally
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I have grown so much in the past 365 days, I can’t even begin to describe it. Writing and sharing the inside of my mind with the public has been such a cathartic creative outlet for me. Additionally, I have made huge progress in healing my self-image, even if I still have a long way to go. For example, at the end of this year, it mostly came in the form of reclaiming my emotions toward dance, which has been an art form of mine since I was four years old. Upon graduating high school and until recently, I had associated dancing with the negative feelings instilled in me by circumstances and people, especially about the way that I look. But by working as the choreographer of the 2024 Broadway Cares cabaret held by the Musical Theatre Students Organization (MuTS) with the most amazing, supportive group of people, I have started to re-connect with the fun and the feeling in dance, just like I did as a little girl in tiny ballet shoes. (If you were in Broadway Cares and you’re reading this- thank you for putting a bandage on that wound in my heart. This is my mini love letter to all of you!) This may be my biggest triumph of 18, and I hope that at 19, other areas of my life will follow suit.
- Don’t Be Afraid to be Proud of Myself
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I have a problem with academic and personal perfectionism- I can never be satisfied with the quality of work I’ve done unless the grade is 100%, and I know I can always do better at everything. But what I hope for myself this year is that I can learn to be proud of my achievements, especially because oftentimes I know I should be. Academic perfectionism is OUT for this year, because an 88 is still a good grade, even if it’s not an A. That’s what I need to keep telling myself. I also have plenty of reasons to be proud of myself as a human being, which I think I should recognize more often than I do.
- Stop Letting Other People’s (irrelevant) Opinions Bring Me Down!
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If I were writing this list on paper, I would write this one in hot pink with a big circle and a bunch of stars around it. And to be honest, this goal starts now, because I tend to feel this extra heavily around my birthday, which is often plagued by unnecessary teasing. I have always been the youngest in my friend group, because I was accelerated into the next grade in elementary school and also took advanced classes in middle and high school, so that I am now at the point in the grad plan for my major that third-years are at as a second-year myself. And since I was very small, this simple fact has been the biggest deal in the world to just about everyone, and I cannot understand why.
Yes, I had to wait until the summer before senior year to get my driver’s license, but plenty of people don’t get their license right at 16 anyway, so who cares? Yes, I will graduate college before I reach the legal age to drink, but in the nicest way possible, who cares??? I don’t know why irrelevant people’s opinions bother me so much, especially when my social circles have always been comprised of people older than me who don’t care how old I am, but every year is a huge mental battle. I end up looking forward to my birthday just because I’ll be an age that people won’t make fun of… at least for a few months. And I want to put an end to that! So this year, I want to try my best not to worry about silly things like that, and focus my energy on those who accept me as I am.
With that sidebar out of the way (because I really just needed to rant about it), I know one of my most prominent areas that needs work is comparing myself to others, which goes hand in hand with letting others’ opinions affect me. Social media can be a huge catalyst for that, so I’m hoping to allow myself to use my social media accounts for good and not for self-deprecation, and not to worry so much about what people will think of the things I post! My account is for me, and that’s that! I also have way too many cute outfits in my wardrobe to care about what other people will think when I wear them!
I know this year isn’t going to be perfect, because nothing ever is, but I know myself and I know that what I have lined up for the next 12 months has the potential to be an absolutely amazing year. So with that in mind and with the support of so many wonderful people by my side, I am happily accepting the start of the next year of my life!