For most of my life, I was completely unsure of what I wanted to do with my future. I knew that with my grades and interests, there were plenty of options for me, but none of them felt ârightâ. When I first applied for Ball State, I still had these uncertain feelings as I selected the major I would study.
However, by the fall of 2023, I walked onto campus dead set on being an English teacher. Some of my best and worst memories and friends came from classes my major required. Within the first two weeks of my first semester, I was presenting the reasons why I wanted to be a teacher while crying. I was fully invested and ready to teach and support the youth and future generations. However, around the end of my sophomore year, I began to have a change in heart.
At first, I wondered if secondary education was my true calling. I debated switching to elementary education but ultimately decided that it wasnât any different. I was still dealing with the same thoughts, feelings, and turmoil that festered inside me. It was hard to leave something that grounded me for such a long time. Ultimately, the issues in the system and my own values and morals will forever keep me at an armâs reach from the traditional classroom setting.
Before switching, I thought a lot about what past professors, teachers, educators, and friends told me. One of my first professors on campus really put into perspective the day-to-day struggles many educators face. Most would agree that fostering a safe and respectful environment is one of the most beneficial things for children. However, this professor pointed out that being a safe space for Black, brown, and/or queer students would also mean that I would have to make a safe space for those with racist, misogynistic, and homophobic views. Now, this doesnât mean that I would have to allow hate speech, bullying, or discrimination in my future classroom. It means that if I allow a student to write about the benefits of the Civil Rights Act, I would also have to allow another student to express their opposition to it. Conversations and scaffolded lessons could help educate these students, but itâs difficult in a traditional school setting. Itâs hard to find the time and safe ways to work though these thoughts while keeping up with the curriculum and working long hours for little pay. This is just one of the unfortunate realities that comes with being a teacher.Â
Even with this example, large classroom sizes, DEI cuts, and poor pay, I still miss being an education major. One of my friends, who also started and then switched out of the major, shared the same feelings as I do now. She explained it as not missing the major but missing the cohort that surrounded her. The only thing she missed was being around those that truly valued education.Â
Now, I know there are people in different majors, fields, careers, and roles that do value education and learning. As a whole, I think that a lot of people see college as a necessary step to obtain a job or their future goals. They need collegeânot to learn communication skills or cross-cultural connectionsâto prove they can design buildings or work with numbers. These skills and more are important for jobs, but empathy, communication, collaboration, and more are vital for life.
It makes me feel a weird type of way when I notice this disconnect. In one of my current classes, I notice it more than ever. When others answer discussion questions, they write the minimum amount to only answer the prompt and get the points. On the other hand, I feel like the loser who writes as much as I need to in order to get my point across. I make connections to my own experiences and the world around me. Even in this article, Iâm referencing other people and their experiences to showcase various perspectives. A lot of the time, I feel like an outcast in my major and classes because I do the readings, show up to class, take notes, watch the videos, respond to more than two peers in a discussion, and write more than a paragraph for my answers. Itâs a never ending cycle of trying to get the most out of my education while feeling like I need to suppress my feelings in order to not seem âstrangeâ for willingly answering questions in class.Â
Part of me still wishes that I could be a traditional education major. I wish that I could be like other admirable educators fighting against systems to make them better, but I just canât. The attitude and values surrounding education is very limiting and unappreciative. Salaries are getting slashed, budgets are being cut, and our current administration is rewriting history to make it âbetterâ.Â
While the education major and traditional classroom setting is not of interest to me anymore, I still find ways to prioritize education for myself and others. I like working in outdoor education where I have the time, space, and support to have difficult conversations. I enjoy working on community projects, like musicals and plays, that teach larger themes through creative ways. I think education is a necessity for all; itâs something that needs to be available to everyone at every age. Education can come in the form of college, job trainings, reading, watching movies, and just talking to people. But, people need to be open minded about being educated.
So, I donât really miss the major, but I miss the attitude the people in the major had. I miss the people that would regularly show up to class. The ones that would do the readings and already have their own opinions. The students that didnât roll their eyes when volunteer hours were required for certain classes. The teachers that gave assignments that showcased our understanding and growth, not just to put a grade in Canvas. I miss the people that made the major worth it for me. I miss being around people that want to learn and get the most out of their time here. I miss being an education major, not being an education major.