Let me break it down for you. In short, the definition of Imposter Syndrome is the feeling of being a fraud or a phony despite your achievements and/or skills. I have the complete inability to believe I am fitting for my major, despite knowing how much I care for it.Â
Recently, I’ve switched majors from English to Elementary Education. And oh my god, do I feel an immense sense of not belonging. In the education department, it always feels like I’m the only one who didn’t get the memo. Everyone around me seems so sure of themselves, referencing and understanding theorists I’m not even sure I am pronouncing correctly.. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there with a half-dead pen and a Google search open for “what is differentiated instruction.” It’s not that I don’t care, I care a lot. That’s probably the problem. I want to be good at this so badly that when I feel like I’m behind, it hits extra hard.Â
I walk into classrooms and feel like I’m just mimicking what a teacher is supposed to look like. Everyone else seems to be ten steps ahead, already shaping their teaching philosophy and networking with professors, and I’m just hoping no one notices how unsure I am. It’s easy to spiral into “maybe I’m not meant for this” territory. And once that starts, it’s hard to shake off. I start second-guessing things I do know, which is the most frustrating part.
However, I have to keep reminding myself that most of us are faking it to some degree. And honestly, the people I’ve learned the most from are the ones who admit they don’t have it all together either. For example, my Co-op teacher for a clinical (where I go observe a teacher work with their class). She is so real and honest with the fact that she just goes with the flow because plans never work out how you want them too. So I’ve started asking questions I used to keep to myself. I’ve started saying “I don’t know” out loud. I’ve stopped trying to match someone else’s version of “prepared” and focused on showing up, doing the work, and showing that I give a damn. That counts too.
Moral of the story is that imposter syndrome doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you care enough to want to get it right. And caring is not a weakness, even if it makes things heavier sometimes. So if you’re in a classroom, in this major, or anywhere near this feeling… same. I don’t have it figured out either. But we’re still here. And that means something.