An Open Letter to an Unrealistic Professor

Dear Madame or Madman,

When I enrolled in college I came to take multiple classes that all would qualify me to receive a degree. Now just in case you did not read the first sentence carefully I will highlight a key word:


As in, more than more.

As in, multiple.

As in, not just your class.

How incredible insensitive of you to give a 6 page paper due on Monday when you only gave us the topic on Wednesday. Do you know the stress you put students under? I have gotten all of my important information out by page 3 and now I am grasping at vague ideas that do not correlate with my thesis statement!

How dare you assign overnight reading of more than 100 pages… should I not sleep, professor? Should I lay awake in my bed absorbing every syllable of each word on every page? And did I mention that 6-page paper is still due?

Also, can I tell you how much I love it when I read your syllabus and it says that I should do 8-10 hours outside of class time. It is a joy to my eyes to read about how much time you want me to devote to your course entirely. Riddle me this―do you believe your colleagues just show up to see you at the faculty meetings, or do you truly understand that they teach classes too? Some of your students are also in... their... classes too.

I understand the mechanics that make a college setting function, but I would like you to take a moment and ask yourself: Is the timing of my assignment cruel? Is there a way I can make this assignment more time friendly? If these things are at once considered, then I will be happy and life might be resolved.


A stressed out, hasn’t slept in a week, wants to eat pizza and curl into a ball, student.