It was an ordinary Sunday when he called me— to tell me that he cheated on me and didn’t want me anymore.
“Good morning,” he texted. It was, until he called.
When you devote two years with someone and open your heart to them, exposing your most vulnerable self, you don’t anticipate them to discard you like you meant nothing. Except, we never actually made it to two years. It would have been our one year and eight months the next day. But who cared? Who was keeping track? Just me.
I knew things were going downhill when he stopped saying “I love you.” I knew things were going downhill when he stopped asking about my day. I knew things were going downhill when he stopped taking an interest in me and started taking an interest in others.
It’s a horrible feeling— watching the person you love slowly fall out of love with you. He had stopped making an effort and words that had once lifted me up began to tear me down. At some point, my best wasn’t enough anymore. At some point, I wasn’t worth caring for.
Despite all of the red flags, I never saw the cheating coming.
He had always called me the jealous type. But I wasn’t envious of other girls or the overly protective, crazy girlfriend he made me out to be. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, and I should have listened to it.
My first boyfriend left me for his ex-girlfriend and was disloyal during our brief relationship, which established trust issues in me. I was skeptical of the girls who came into my new boyfriend’s life. It never stopped him from making female friends — he made a lot— but my guard was always up.
When I finally let it down, it only took him two weeks after moving to New York to cheat. Two weeks to wreck almost four years of friendship.
I hope she was worth it.
His cheating didn’t make me doubt him, it made me doubt love. It made me doubt myself. He always said I was too insecure whenever I worried about a girl who obviously wanted him and he wouldn’t stop giving attention to. Yet, it’s his cheating now that has sparked the insecurity in me.
I’ve begun questioning my appearance and personality, and started comparing myself to others. I’ve begun questioning our entire relationship. Did he ever care about me? Were the countless love letters he wrote me full of lies? Did our time together mean anything to him?
Why did he cheat?
He told me that he didn’t know why he did it. That he doesn’t have feelings for her. But if that’s true, then what was the point? Does he enjoy leading her on too?
Did it make him feel powerful— having two girls at once?
Did it make him feel alive— caressing the body of someone new?
Or was he just a coward?
If you aren’t happy in a relationship, leave. If you no longer feel the same way about someone, then don’t drag them along. If you’re afraid that breaking up with them will hurt them, know that cheating only makes it worse.
When he told me what he had done and that he didn’t want or like me anymore, I cried. I cried like I did the day he left for New York. Both days, he never shed a tear. With an impassive face and voice, he said that he felt bad because he now held the label of “cheater,” but didn’t show much remorse for hurting me. He said nothing about valuing what we had or made any attempt to comfort me.
So much was left unsaid. Having to let go of what we had wouldn’t be so hard if he had just told me how he really felt sooner. Instead of having the courage to be honest, he had the audacity to get into bed with someone he told me not to worry about days prior.
He told me that I never even crossed his mind when he cheated, that he forgot he even had a girlfriend back home, despite talking to me that very night. I once heard the saying, “If your absence doesn’t affect them, then your presence never mattered,” and it wasn’t until then that I realized all of his “I miss you”s were lies and that he stopped loving me a long time ago, if he ever did.
Cheating is a choice.
If someone cheats on you, then you were off their mind long enough for them to put another person in a position that should be reserved just for you. He chose to get physical with her. He chose to wake up with another girl in his arms, then get breakfast with her. As if I didn’t exist and his actions wouldn’t affect me. As if he was doing nothing wrong. I suppose she was with him when he texted me “good morning.” He knew what he was doing, but that still didn’t stop him.
The same goes for her. She knew he had a girlfriend, but didn’t care. I’ve learned that some people’s selfish desires outweigh human decency. She chose to get into bed with him, and I can’t blame her for liking him. So did I. I also can’t blame him for other girls’ feelings. However, both are responsible for how they react.
A person who knowingly gets with someone in an exclusive relationship with complete disregard to how the other person will feel is deplorable. How pathetic one must be to stoop so low. I wish she didn’t know who I was, but I know she was more than aware. If you’re reading this, you’ll never be me.
Will there ever be any consequences for his or her actions? No. She is probably happy that I’m no longer in the picture and celebrating her conquest. He said his friends were encouraging him to get with her, so he must have known how she felt for a while, but failed to tell me. He cheated on me, dumped me, removed me from all socials, and will forget about me and move on with his own life to pursue empty relationships.
I don’t know what I did to him— or her — to deserve to be hurt like this.
I wouldn’t wish cheating upon anyone, even them. But I do wish people would be considerate of others. The bare minimum.
Cheating doesn’t start physically. It starts with sneaky conversations. Cheating can mean something different in every relationship, but for me it isn’t just physical. This was the first time he had ever physically cheated on me, but I would argue that he had emotional affairs long before then. All the girls he messaged and snapped, retaking the photo if he didn’t look good enough, not letting me be in the picture, refusing to show me any conversations, that’s when I should have known it would turn physical at some point.
It’s funny how he could treat me so poorly, yet I still blame myself. What could I have done to prevent this? How could I have been a better girlfriend?
Those questions replay through my mind even though I know I was always there for him and loved him unconditionally. Of course, everyone can do better but it’s not my fault he lied. It’s not my fault he cheated.
Before we were in a relationship, he fought for me. But ever since he won me over, it was I who was fighting. Fighting to be taken for granted, lied to, and used.
Don’t blame yourself for someone else’s mistake. Don’t doubt yourself because someone else couldn’t control themselves. And next time, trust your gut and don’t ignore the red flags.
Eventually, the torturous and vivid intrusive thoughts of his unfaithfulness will pass. Eventually, I will trust again. I will believe in loyalty again. I will love again. But I will never tolerate manipulation, lies, or gaslighting ever again.