Edited by: Ananya Khandelwal UG 2021
When you’re in a sea of canoodling couples, it’s easy to feel a bit lost.
Wherever you go, you see a lot of couples holding hands, hugging and (on rare occasions in the Indian scenario, rarer than Dhinchak Pooja coming up with a Grammy-winning song) kissing each other. Even your social media feed is more often than not, infested with couples with their arms around each other and if you’re following celebrity couples, then it’s a gone-case. Every other fortnight, you’re sure to have your feed overflowing with married couples in Sabyasaachi clothes, looking at each other as lovingly as the Gilmore Girls look at their junk food order.
Looking at all of them in their amorous glory, I’m sure, is a slightly painful process for a lot of viewers. Gazing at these couples, is sure to make your heart twinge a little with envy, consequently overcoming it with a wave of wistfulness, followed by a rut of “Why not me?”.
Following this, I’m sure, a lot of you would go on this chaotic spiral of negative thought. In the first round, you’d look yourself in the mirror every day and scan for the minutest of flaws you might have. Be it your skin colour or your tummy and a bit of flab pooching out, or the zit marks that never seem to go away or even dandruff that’s hell-bent on being the Vetal to your Vikramaditya; your inner critic will ensure that you just don’t feel good about yourself in any way.
Then you’d go around critiquing your behaviour, thinking, “Damn! I don’t fit this mold of being a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. I should be all cheesy, lovey-dovey. But argh, I can’t do that! That’s why I am #foreveralone and #friendzoned!”
The truth is?
You’re NOT an alien if you aren’t in a relationship already.
I know, there are a lot of people who keep on going on about how they found their soulmates in kindergarten/middle school/college and how their lives have been magical ever since. It’s great that they found such kind of companionship, it really is. To love deeply and be loved deeply is a great thing, most importantly if it’s a healthy relationship and not a codependent/toxic one.
But it’s perfectly alright if you’re not dating!
Some of us are lucky to find someone special at a very young age. And some of us are equally lucky to not be in a relationship at this point in our lives.
I’m sure you’d go, “What’s lucky about being #foreveralone?”
The fact that #foreveralone is #totallytemporary is what makes you, my friend, really lucky.
I am in no way a romance expert (hey, I’ve been single too, all my life), but there is one thing I’ve thought long and hard over after battling so many insecurities is the fact that this whole time that if I’m single right now, it’s probably because I’ve been given this time to explore myself and get to know myself.
Probably my friends who’ve dated, have gotten the chance to know themselves better before getting into relationships. Or probably an integral part of their journey involves them to be in relationships so that they know who they are and what they want from their lives. Who knows?
But the time I’ve been given as a single girl is probably the time I’ve been given to know myself first – to explore what my greatest strengths and weaknesses are and to know, completely, what I want from any romantic relationship in the future. Probably, instead of waiting for my (ugh, I hate to say this) Prince Charming, I’ve been given this time to be my own Princess Charming and be ready enough for a healthy romantic relationship with a guy who probably loves reading as much as I do, talking as much as I do and who will be stable enough to handle my idiosyncrasies.
Who knows?
As for a lot of you who aren’t in a relationship by now and are doubting about yourself, you don’t have to worry. You’re probably getting this time to revamp and understand yourself and you should make the best possible use out of it. Go out there, push yourself out of your comfort zone. Do something that scares you out of your mind like say, dancing or teaching. Do something that you’ve always wanted to do. Who knows, love might be around the corner?
And even if it isn’t explicitly around the corner, it might be somewhere. And when it wants to find you, it certainly will.
It really doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or not. If you are in one, it’s good. If you’re not in one, it’s equally good.
What matters the most is that you have to learn how to love yourself well and appreciate yourself for the crazy mess you are. And the rest will soon follow.