Edited By: Sreenandana S Nair
I go to the metro station every alternate weekend to escape the routine of my usual life. I attempt to get lost in a city I don’t really know but like to pretend I know. I jam my earphones into my ears and turn up the volume until I cannot tell where I end and where the music began, and I make the most of the forty-two minute metro ride. I did the same thing that weekend. Made up a new routine to escape my old one. Let myself become a different person. Stood in the metro even when there were several seats available. And she came and stood next to me.
‘What are you listening to?’ she asked.
‘Oh, it’s this new album. I really like it.’
‘Can I listen?’
I was confused, but I handed her the left earbud, and we listened together for a bit. She was pretty in an otherworldly way, but she did not look how I imagined her to. I imagined someone much older, much wiser, much wispier. Polished. But here she was: yellow chikankari kurti, baggy jeans, tiny black purse balanced delicately on her shoulder, hair blue at the edges, too- too many rings. It was weird to want to criticise god for the amount of rings she is wearing. I mean, after all, she is god. But I let myself think the thought. It was awkwardly silent, except for the music, until she put her hand on my shoulder.
‘You know who I am,’ she said. It was not a question. It was an assertion.
‘I mean, yeah, I can tell, I think? Is that weird?’
‘What gave it away?’
‘I don’t know. I just had a sense. You have this weird light around you. You don’t blink very often. Your lipgloss has a weird shine.’
She laughed a little, nodded and whispered, ‘Okay, so, go ahead.’
‘What?’
‘Go ahead. How often are you in a metro station with god? Ask me anything.’
‘Uh, okay, um— what- why are you here? Like, why are you on a metro?’
‘Why do you think?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe you like seeing all these people. I don’t know if you created them, but maybe you are checking in to see how the world is doing. I don’t know, really. But I am sure you are here for something important and meaningful. I doubt it is to hear my new favourite song.’
‘Why would you think that is not important or meaningful?’
‘I mean, is it? There are so many things in the world. Why would you care about the song?’
She seemed offended by that and did not reply. She turned away from me a little. She still had my earphones, though. I got a little anxious then because I could not even imagine the ramifications of god being mad at me.
‘I am sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I hope you are not angry or anything because, you know, you are—’
‘I wouldn’t do anything to you. I am not like that. Just, I care about stuff too, you know? Like, I like the metro. I like trains. I like how suspended you guys are here. You tend to just exist here. You can’t make it move faster, you can’t do much on your phones because they don’t work here. So, a lot of you just exist here. That girl in the t-shirt? Her phone ran out of charge a while back and this is the first time in months that she has thought of birds. Like, you? I know you haven’t listened to music in a while.’
‘I mean, I am sure you are right, but I listen to music every day.’
‘No, you like having noise around you. You, all of you, aren’t really ever paying attention. It makes me really sad. You know, we put a lot of effort into making the clouds and the sky, and it takes so much effort to make it look as good as we do. All the purples and the blues and the yellow and white— I wait to see if you guys like it. But most of you don’t look at it how I want you to. You don’t see it. I don’t know why.’
‘I know we tend to be distracted, but, you know, the world is complicated. We are going through a lot. It is hard to enjoy things when we have so much stuff to do that everyone deems important.’
‘I remember when there was only sky and mountain and a few hundred of you. You would notice most things. You walked around a lot more freely. But you are good now, too. I know the world is hard but a good number of you try to take care of each other a good amount of the time. I think a lot of you really care.
‘I don’t know, everyone says the world is just getting worse.’
‘It is. But it is also getting better.’
‘That’s a little cryptic, isn’t it?’
‘I know. But that’s all I can say.’
‘Who’s stopping you? You are literally all there is.’
‘No, no one is stopping me. It is just really complicated to explain, and my station is coming up.’
‘Oh, oh, wait— can I ask you something?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Will the world, like, be okay? Like, I know you said it is getting better, but does it all turn out good?’
‘What do you think?’
‘I don’t know. Most people I know try to be good, but we fail often enough. I don’t know how it all works out in, you know, the grand balance of the universe or whatever.’
‘There’s no grand balance. Things just happen. I don’t have any answers. This is my first time making all this too, you know? I used to come down here to see if everything’s working the way it should. Like, is the brightness of the sun okay and is the grass too pointy, stuff like that. Took me a few turns to get it right. But I don’t need to keep coming down. I mean, you guys have figured so much out. Like, the sewage system and vending machines and trains? Trains and metros blow my mind. What I am trying to say is that I keep coming down because there’s enough to come back for. New things that you guys keep finding to enjoy, new trains to ride, new ways you guys keep combining the same foods. I like it. You try to make the world better for yourselves, in whatever way you can. I know that there are some big people making stuff worse for all of you. Trying to take your time, take your money, take your kindness. And they succeed sometimes. But most of you get by just fine. Some of you set the alarm to your favourite song. Some of you draw shapes you see in the clouds. Some of you skip your meals to get your sick friend something to eat. I think when I look at your lives, I see most of you trying to make the most of them. Just keep at it. I hope, for your sake and mine, that it turns out okay.’
I wanted to ask her if she did not have an answer, then who did? But she smiled at me, handed me my earphones, and stepped out of the metro. The doors shut before I could get out. But that night, I stopped everything and just listened. Really listened to the music of the world. The birds, the clouds, even my fan whose noise I didn’t like very much. And, I swear, the next day, the sun shone a little brighter, and the grass was a little pointier. I don’t know if that was because I was listening or she was noticing. I hope she noticed me. I hope she knows that despite all my pains and distractions and miseries, I really love the world.