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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Ashoka chapter.

Edited by: Aanvi Chhiber

I understand that in a world where actual cognitive processing of emotions, resentment, anger and sincerity takes more from us than most of us have – avoidance is relatively cheaper. I get that if we were to remember, we would have to remember why they left, why it hurt, what insecurities it triggered and also that it hurt. To do that and to do it well and to be okay after takes time, space, rest, money and community support that most of us do not have. Rome was not built in a day, avoidants did not become the most hated pop-psychology identity overnight. And so if deleting every single picture, pretending you never loved them, and calling the show you only watched with them ‘frivolous’ is what helps you evade pain – I am not surprised. 

There are entire ideologies on the market enabling you to do that, (stoicism?) posts that say “If your ex dies and you’re crying, you better join them in the grave” garnering thousands of likes, and even your worth on the dating market is tied to how indifferent you are to those that came before them. And still, I rebuke this way out with all my heart and the damage it has endured over the years.

It is anti-human, unfair and dishonest to have to pretend that you cannot have tenderness in yourself for people who were intertwined with you to the point of extensions of self. It is cruel to expect from the people we love that they not hold in their heart the love that made them who they are. No matter how it ended, friendships, love and family bring out of us the vulnerability that makes us human. And protecting that vulnerability is the most radical thing I am committed to. 

It is possible to love who you loved, and hate who they became. Your eyes can see grey and not just the colours that made it. You don’t have to take down the pictures, they were just as much your life as theirs. You don’t have to call them ugly on the groupchat, it is brave to admit how much euphoria you once felt. I know what I am selling you looks like a really bad deal, but if you do it well, and learn to hold all the joy and love and laughter inside you just next to the pain, the pain would never grow into the monster that catches up to you in a three pm class on a tuesday.

Icarus fell, but do you not think it would be so cruel to not allow Icarus to remember how the wind felt against his cheek moments before? All love ever is worth it. Sometimes you must forget because it was horrible, and sometimes they tell you to forget because it is hard to remember the good after the loss of it.

But I choose to do it everyday, and I am not ashamed of it. Yes it is embarrassing that I think that my ex-best friend who dumped me has my favourite art style in all of university. It is mortifying to have a tattoo about a song my former lover and I loved. But you know what else all of this is? The truth. Sincerity. Humanity.

Matty Healy said Sincerity is Scary. We’re in a situationship epidemic because people cannot look at what they feel in the eye. And yet I hope you have the strength to hold it in your arms today. The good and the ugly, right next to each other. So no, I am not deleting my profile picture that he took of me at the grub-fest. I like it.

Uditi is a part of the Content Department at the Ashoka University Chapter of Her Campus. She studies Psychology andLiterature and is interested in narratives of desire, queerness and divergent behavior. She believes in the (very serious) causes of using em dashes more liberally and being weirder as a society. On campus she will be found where crowds, music or the drama is!