Sometimes making boundaries is hard because unfortunately, it can take a lot for someone to stand up for themselves. But it will always be worth losing someone because If they cannot accept your boundaries than being taken advantage of in any relationship. I have been there where I have struggled to stand up for myself and set limits in romantic relationships, but once I was able to set standards for myself, I became empowered. Therefore, I wanted to share 12 ways and realizations you should probably have before setting boundaries in a romantic relationship:
01. KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES
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How can you expect a guy to know what you want if you don’t even know what you want? Take some time to figure out what you want, how you will proceed, and what your boundaries will be after each time you hang out with your significant other. Accept that these boundaries might change as the relationship progresses, but always remember your beginning intentions, so you don’t get blind-sided.
02. BE COMFORTABLE WITH SAYING “NO”
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The word “no” has a lot of strong emotions attached to it. Most people struggle to handle rejection, but as many people struggle to give rejection. Remember that you deserve the best in life and that you should never settle for someone. Be comfortable and confident with saying “no.” I highly suggest starting small, work on not giving into people’s smallest requests and work yourself up to a point where saying “no” and respecting yourself becomes easy.
03. STAY CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC
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Not everything in life was meant to work out, but there are some times where unusual and rare moments that go just as planned. Live your life as if those moments are possible, that they will and can happen if you put your mind to it. But at the same time, also be aware that the best moments are usually not planned and scripted. The best moments are the ones where nothing goes as planned, but you are still willing to stay optimistic.
04. COMMUNICATE YOUR INTENTIONS
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The first step to setting boundaries is knowing those boundaries. The next will always have to do with communication. No matter if you are in a romantic relationship for two weeks or two years, it’s still good to communicate what you expect and how you want to be treated. No one can read minds, so do not assume that your significant other will automatically know what you want if you never say it.
05. SPACE IS NECESSARY FOR EVERYONE
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We all need those moments where we lay in our bed by ourselves either sleeping or watching trashy reality tv. We all need those moments where we can be on our own and be completely comfortable. You can’t get those moments if you or your partner never respect the importance of space. Not only do we need to grow together when in a relationship, but we need to grow as individuals. Get the time to grow as a person.
06. DON’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS
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We are all guilty of jumping to conclusions. For example, if your significant other doesn’t text you for a few hours, there might a chance that all of a sudden, a thought pops into your head, “what if they are with someone else?” When in reality, they are most likely not with someone else, but your mind can’t help but jump to that conclusion. Step away from the situation and think logically about the possibility of another, more accurate reason why they’re not messaging you back.
07. DON’T BE AFRAID OF REJECTION
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Everyone gets rejected. Not everyone’s going to like everyone. Recognize that just like you might not like someone, someone might not like you. It is a reality check when you realize and can accept you are not going to be loved by everyone and that not everyone is going to be your friend. But it’s a reality check that needs to happen. Especially if you are in a place where you are breaking your original boundaries in fear that you would lose your significant other if you don’t. You are more valuable than losing part of yourself to gain a person that is not even worth it.
08. SAY THANK YOU WITHOUT REGRET, GUILT OR SHAME
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When someone does something nice for us, we might fall into a headspace where we feel sorry that they went out of their way to help us. Remember that you would do the same thing if you had the opportunity. Say thank you without feeling like a wrong person for them helping you. It was their choice, just like it is your choice to help them when you have the opportunity. And if they are going to guilt trip you that is a major red flag.
09. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
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We all have to be accountable and own up to our actions. With setting boundaries, you have to recognize what role you play in the relationship. You have to gain a sense of awareness that might be challenging to acknowledge or to accept. But once you realize that this is how you have been acting, take responsibility for your half, but seriously, only your half.
10. BE WILLING TO ASK FOR HELP
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I honestly believe that everyone needs someone; someone to comfort them and to help them sort out their lives if they fall off the rails. Remember all the times you have picked up your friend’s phone call at 3 am? Well, you deserve that too. But also remember that no one will know even to offer support if you do not let them in to give them an opportunity. Sometimes being vulnerable pays out.
11. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
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There is plenty of fish in the sea, but there is only one you. Remember that you need to take care of yourself, and to do so, you need to put yourself first. People will come and go throughout your whole life, but you are going to be stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. Cherish the relationship with yourself.
12. BE 100% YOU
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No one is going to be exactly like you, and that is the best part. You are your own beautiful and unique self. Don’t let anyone take that away from you or make you feel like you need to make unjustifiable excuses for the way you are. Be 100% you, and if a relationship doesn’t work out that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t meant to be, it just says that it wasn’t meant to be forever. But your relationship with yourself is the most real relationship you will ever have.