What’s Wrong with Feelings?

“Facts over feelings” is probably a phrase you’ve heard throughout the years, especially in the recent political climate. As an educator, I can say facts are a way to guide our thoughts and ideas in the right direction. There are certain things that are factual. Two plus two does in fact equal four, and we know this because it has been proven time and time again without fail. We know if a shape is a square based on specific attributes a square always has, such as four even sides and four vertices. But sometimes even our facts change when we continue to grow in our learning. The world that was once flat now has taken on the shape of the sphere. Did the Earth change? Or did our perspective on it change? Here we see an example of a fact that has changed for us as we researched more. So if facts aren’t always constant as our world advances, what can be? This is where I believe we need to rely on feelings to continue our civilized society. 

When it comes to PC culture, many people turn their noses at the thought of honoring someone’s feelings. I never quite knew how to put how I felt about this topic into words, but after reading Choosing Civility by P. M. Forni, I was able to correctly formulate my thoughts. The main topic of the book is a review of 25 rules that are most essential and effective when living in a society.

“Don’t discount the power of your words. The thought that they might cause unnecessary hurt or discomfort should inform every conversation”

is a quote that I think everyone should have ingrained in their minds for it puts the importance of words back into our society. It might sound like a “snowflake” thing to say, but I believe having the power of empathy is what separates us from any other species on this planet. 

The ability that we can feel what other people are feeling is an incredible thing and one that I think we should put more stress on. Just because you might not understand something or have all the facts does not mean that you get to discredit someone’s feelings. We’ve seen how that works, especially in America, and how it does nothing but divide everyone. Just because you might believe in another thought or idea doesn’t give you the right to insult others. I know what I’m talking about might seem like a basic Kindergarten lesson, but I think some of us forget the importance of caring about others, especially as adults. Let’s revisit the statement “facts don’t care about your feelings” and truly break down what that means. When I say something is factual, I don’t use that to attack others, I use it as a basis for my knowledge. Many people think that’s the end all be all of the conversation but a growing group of people argues that facts are actually the bottom tier of truly understanding humanity. It is said by George Eliot that

“empathy is the highest form of knowledge that humans can know,”

and I truly believe in that statement. It’s easy to state something you’ve heard before, but it takes even more to actually listen and understand where another person is coming from.

We aren’t always born with an abundance of empathy, which means that it’s a skill we have to constantly practice and evolve as we grow. We see in many important conversations that revolve around our society that caring about the feelings of others is always tossed to the side. I understand that there needs to be a factual understanding everyone agrees on, but why not care what other people feel? What’s so bad about respecting other people? Maybe you don’t understand why it’s important to normalize the use of pronouns, but what’s the worst that will happen if you do? If you do respect someone’s pronouns, you end up making the other person feel acknowledged and cared for. That’s just one of the many examples that we can show respect and understanding for each other, but I hope that’s an example that you can apply in other situations. If we can’t see eye to eye, why not see heart to heart and care how each other feels. 

In a world where peace is needed more than ever, I believe empathy is one variable that can help solve that equation. This is a huge topic that needs to be discussed more thoroughly but take time out of your day to not just understand the facts but also understand people’s feelings. What’s the worst that could happen? Your heart could grow three times its original size? I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like such a bad thing in the end. 

“Empathy may be the single most important quality that must be nurtured to give peace a fighting chance.”

Arundhati Roy

• Civility
• empathy
• feelings
• kindess
• political correctness