Dear Anxiety,
It hasn’t been long since we spoke last, in fact, it was approximately two-and-a-half minutes ago that you came to me, just before I began writing. Sometimes your visits are small, even laughable, like when I’m at the top of a roller coaster, or taking a test, or about to speak in front of a class. On those occasions, I don’t mind you. You are necessary when life becomes thrilling or exciting, however, sometimes you are cocky and consume my entire day. Sometimes you wrench yourself in the pit of my stomach to the point where I’m sick. Actually, the more I think about it, those days have been more frequent lately, and the “laughable” instances are few and far between.
I’m sure this will come as a surprise to you, but I’ve had enough. We spend so much time together, and I’ve come to know you all too well. I know your routine each day. You visit me at least once an hour now, and our relationship has become toxic. You are beyond controlling. You ruin perfect moments and melt smiles faster than butter on a southern summer day. Sometimes, you’re so harsh you won’t even let me leave the house. Sometimes you make it hard to breathe. You make me feel trapped. I could deal with it when you were only hurting me, but now, you’re straining my relationships with my friends and family. I know I’ve let this go on for days, months, even years. I know you’re used to free loading off of my happiness. But today…it ends.
I’ve never broken up with anyone, and I always assumed it would be incredibly difficult if I had to. This time it isn’t. I’m not afraid of you anymore. I know that if I continue this relationship with you, you will sabotage all of my success. You can visit me in the middle of the night tonight if you want, but this time, I wont let you in, or feed you, or allow you to grow. Instead, I’ll sleep peacefully, knowing I’m better off without you. I know we’ve been together nearly my entire life, but it’s time for me to move on. You’ve always held me back, kept me down, and changed the perception I have of myself. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I know that you were a blessing in disguise, only sent to me to teach me how to be stronger. Do yourself a favor, and don’t come around anymore. It’s over.
I’m sorry, but I’ve realized, it’s really not me at all… It’s you.
Sincerely,
Jordan