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Original Illustration by Megan Charles for Her Campus Media
Culture

I Should’ve Majored in Communications

How can I call myself an adult

If at 21 years old

I can never say “no”?

I can never find the right words

To describe the negative emotions flowing inside of my head

I tell myself I don’t want to be a burden

But something’s not right

If every time I try to express my truths

The air leaves my lungs

And I’m paralyzed

My lips can no longer speak the words

My mind draws a blank

I tell myself that I’m probably better off if I leave it alone anyway

So I sit silently; in my own head

I wish that I could write a letter to the universe

And send it out my window

So that all my problems would vanish as quickly as the wind carries my words away

 

How can I call myself an adult

If at 21 years old

I still don’t know how to put myself first

I stretch myself thin

Empathy and guilt overwhelm me 

So I try to retract

Because pushing myself too far is sometimes the only thing that I can control

I should’ve majored in communications

Because maybe then 

I would know how to speak up for myself

The way I speak up for everyone else

And call myself an adult

With no emotional drawbacks

Maybe one day 

I will grow to stop disappointing myself

For the sake of 

Not disappointing strangers

Raina is a college senior studying Psych and Music at SUNY Albany. She is originally from Queens and her biggest creative inspirations come from daily life in the city. Feel free to contact her at [email protected]
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