As a female college student I’ve always heard “Stay in a group,” “Make sure you watch your drink,” and even “Remember to cover up” from well-meaning friends and family before a night on the town I rarely go out, but why do people feel the need to lecture me about what to avoid when I do, even though I’m a relatively responsible 22-year-old? The US Department of Justice defines sexual assault as “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.” Unfortunately, I’ve come across dozens of people, including myself, who have been sexually assaulted. We confide in close friends and people who we trust instead of cops because we know the cops will drill us with questions about what we were wearing, how much we drank, and if we are sure we didn’t want the attention our perpetrator gave us. Whether I’m wearing a crop top and shorts or a parka, no means just that: NO. Everyone has been asking how it’s possible with Brock Turner and similar cases in the news lately that the attacker was convicted of rape but got a light sentence. It’s simple: we live in a victim blaming society.
A student at the University of Oregon, Alix, has dealt with sexual assault twice in her life. Today she is a very outspoken and strong advocate for sexual assault. When asked why she was so passionate, she responded “My passion comes from being a survivor and feeling alone in my journey. It was a life changing experience for me and I felt like I didn’t have anyone to help me through it. If I can provide resources and help other people in their journey, then maybe it’ll make my experience mean something more than the pain I suffered.”
So why isn’t saying no enough? Because I, among about one in five college students nationwide, said no plenty of times and they still didn’t listen. Because I was just out with my friends trying to enjoy myself but he got me away from the people I felt safe with. Because what happened to Alix and me shouldn’t be the norm. Because we have this idea instilled in our minds that all attention should be wanted attention. Because we’re “asking for it.” Because when it does happen we should have done more to stop it.
No one ever asks to be assaulted or raped. No one ever wishes this upon another person. No matter what we try to do on our own, we need help. We’re asking that people who see these situations unfold do something and intervene instead of letting it happen. We’re asking for cops to actually take our complaints seriously. We’re asking for the country to stop victim blaming and start blaming the assaulter. Saying no isn’t enough, we need your help.