In case you’ve been on a spiked eggnog blackout binge trying to cope with excess family time and missed it: the boring month of January has commenced. Don’t get me wrong, I love that I can safely step into a department store without fear of being mauled by Christmas shoppers again now that the holidays are over. But otherwise I don’t really find anything particularly intriguing about the month of January. It doesn’t really offer any major holidays besides MLK Day; which is thrilling because he was a big deal, it was his birthday and I don’t have to go to school. Other than that though it’s just a really cold month that reminds us that another year of your life has passed, years are flying by, death is approaching and worse, so is Valentine’s Day.
However there is one intriguing thing about the month of January that is actually pretty controversial. And no I’m not talking about ABC choosing Arie as the bachelor or UCF trying to claim the national champion title. I’m talking about New Year Resolutions and there are two types of people in this world when it comes to theories about them.
Some believe the fresh start gives people motivation to eat less brownies or check on their nana more often. Whereas others scoff and roll their eyes at the idea that anyone really follows through with that. Just like some people believe Christmas is about Jesus and others think it centers around capitalism.
I won’t lie, I’m pretty pessimistic and definitely sided with the ‘yeah right’ type of people. But then I thought about it and was like maybe trying to nix bad habits isn’t something to roll my eyes at. So I guess, ironically, my resolution was to stop judging people for having a New Year resolution. Let’s start a movement: Don’t demonize resolutions. Leave resolution shaming in 2017 along with MAGA hats and being attracted to boys who abuse Xanax. Stop judging resolution makers and channel that judgement towards people who cut long lines or believe in reverse racism. And here’s a real wild concept: after you stop judging “resolutioners”, maybe take that extra step and really commit by making your own resolution.
So if you’re a student at UA, want to participate in having a resolution and coming up blank on what to change about yourself because you think you’re already perfect; I’m here to help. You’re not perfect, become more self aware this year. Kidding. But really here are some ideas tailored just for those who go to the school that actually won the national championship (so UCF students you can stop reading now):
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Stop being intimidated by the Rec Center: Ironically enough I’m writing this to postpone going to the gym as long as possible. But seriously I have heard way too many people use the excuse that they don’t want to see people they know or that they’re intimidated by the equipment. So what, the boy you hooked up with last year sees you running laps? He’s seen you naked and you’re worried about him seeing you in norts? And I get that the gym equipment can be overwhelming, but just observe the boy who looks like he substance abuses pre-workout until you figure out how to use the intricate machine.
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Save dining dollars: I know the buffalo chicken dip at Buffalo Phil’s can be seductive and I’m not ashamed to say I once spent $60 at Julia’s in one trip (though I am ashamed that I wasn’t a freshman when I did that) But hear me out: they roll over into Bama Cash if you have some leftover from the semester. And way more places take Bama Cash than they do dining dollars. Side note: whenever someone still has dining dollars more than halfway through the semester, I’m instantly impressed by their character and also envy their self control. So it’s a win win. Bama Cash and respect from your peers.
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Go to Rama Jama’s Instead of Another Broken Egg For Your Hungover Brunch: It’s cool to immerse yourself in Tuscaloosa culture since you’re probably paying big bucks to live here with tuition and ridiculous rent prices. You can get Broken Egg’s delicious cinnamon roll pancake in many other cities because it’s a chain whereas you can’t get quite the same roll tide aesthetic from a cafe anywhere besides right next to Bryant Denny. But mainly I say take your breakfast to this highly esteemed, but extremely cheap local establishment because Another Broken Egg is astronomically expensive and sometimes you really just want some bacon to cure your hangover blues and not have to overdraft your bank account.
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Make It Through A Whole Year Without A Parking Ticket: For this one: May the odds be ever in your favor.