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Dear Diary: My Teenage Bullshit Now Has A Reboot

Dear Diary,

Well, if my life wasn’t already dramatic enough, Heather’s is now a reboot. Yes, you heard that right. My life from the 80’s is now a 2018 reboot and they totally got the wrong idea. You see, in 1988, the Heather’s ran the school until my crazy boyfriend, JD, came around and we started creating a bit of a situation for ourselves. I mean, we totally made Heather Chandler’s death look like a suicide but it doesn’t make up for what we had done. She was always the start of it all. The start of my popularity, my problems, and even in the afterlife, she was still haunting me.

Heather Chandler in the 80’s is not what Heather Chandler is in 2018, none of us are what we used to be. Heather Chandler is now a gothic-like overweight head leader of the group. Heather Duke is now a guy who is the definition of gay. Heather McNamara is a giant mystery in this reboot. Granted, she wasn’t much of a topic in our story either, so this makes sense. And 2018 Veronica Sawyer? I wasn’t that obsessed with J.D.. I mean love is blinded. High school wasn’t as dramatic a they’re making it seem to be either. This feels ten times more cliche than when I was living this lifestyle. If you’re gonna write my story, at least make it right. J.D on the other hand? Still one crazy hunk. You see it too, right?

I mean do you guys even croquet? It’s a tradition, a Heather’s tradition. I understand wanting to change some things and making it more ‘modern,’ but our story is a cult classic. At least, that’s what everyone tells me. So why change the story in so many different ways?

Who knows, maybe I’m being dramatic, it wouldn’t be anything new. But when I came back from hell, I didn’t expect to see this. I guess for right now, I’ll just have to wait until March 7th when the show premieres on Paramount Network. I’m just saying, this better be worth my time.

-Veronica Sawyer (the original)

Arden Palmquist is a Senior at The University of Akron majoring in Public Relations. She enjoys blogging and posting on her Instagram.
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