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The Realities of Instagram: My Fake Life

Ok people, I’m calling out the BS! I’m not just calling out the BS of women or the gender neutral but of men too- oh yes, I’m calling the heck out of you men! We give so much flack to celebrities for not having authentic pictures on social media i.e. using photoshop and filters, yet we’re just as guilty. And to show I’m not a hypocrite, I’m calling myself out as well. My pictures on social media are so fake that I’m pretty much catfishing people using my own identity. 

 

 

Exhibit A:

 

 

This has been my profile picture for about 3 years now. I would change it but I’m too lazy to bribe my sister into doing a 2-hour photo-shoot of me (this photo-shoot alone cost me £25), then bother going through 348 pictures just to find one decent photo; spending hours zooming in and out of my face, looking for pimples to cover. Not to mention, my thumb gets tired from flipping through all those filters.

 

Exhibit B:

 

So… The last time I did ballet I was 12, therefore I can’t stand on the tips of my toes for jacksh*t! There were about 50 tries before we actually got a point toe picture and I made sure to have a dark background so no one could see I was holding on to a pole for balance… I pretended to have a talent, so sue me *rolls eyes*.

 

Exhibit C:

 

 

For some strange reason the world really likes to toy with me. As if aunty Flo’s visit isn’t bad enough every month, she likes to bring her irritating son; pimples. Naturally, pimples can never stop me from taking a selfie because there’s always hair to cover him up (that’s why I love a good fringe) as well as filters, the right angle and blurring. My cheeks are so blurred in this pic; I might as well have photoshoped Madonna’s cheek onto my face.

 

Exhibit D:

 

 

Not that this picture is heavily filtered but look at the placement of my bag; that was intentional. I’ll never understand the glorification of a big butt when I’m over here trying to hide it. I mean if you’re happy with a bubble butt then you do you boo, but for me? I’m just gonna rock my sling bag.

 

Exhibit E:

 

 

I’m not gonna even entertain anyone who thinks there was no editing done here (bye Felicia). It was an actual photoshoot, there were so many lights, i.e. no natural lighting here; all professional! Oh, and I’m pretty sure they blurred the pimples that were on my forehead, if the concealer didn’t already do its job.

 

Anyway, there are many more pictures I could show, but ain’t nobody got time for that. Next time you’re about to give Beyoncé crap about using photoshop, just remember how many times you used Valencia to filter your pictures.

 


 

All pictures Ayanda’s own unless hyperlink credited.

+South African/Burundian +Spiritual, Global Citizen, Winter Worshipper, Human Rights Activist, Slightly Dark Minded, Novel Lover, Football Fanatic and Poet
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