‘Why did they bully me at school?’ I once asked a person who knows me very well. ‘Because you think differently,’ he said. When I heard these words, it didn’t come as a surprise because the answer was self-evident. Flashbacks returned and I remembered all the people who were mean to me. I was eight years old when the bullying started. At the time, I was chubby and shy. I was a bookworm, the best pupil, and loved drawing and writing. A stereotype for victims. My classmates teased me and told me that I was fat. At the same time, I hated gymnastics and recess. Why? Because I was not good at sports and I was always by myself when the school bell rang. However, I knew from the beginning that I had something which they didn’t have: imagination. Even now, my mind is full of pictures and when I’m stressed, these images can become overwhelming. Then it’s time to take a step back and calm down, for example by writing this article.
Another important thing to know was the fact that I was sensitive and I still am. Having this particular character trait turns you into an easy target for attacks. In contrast to primary school, high school was a bit more intense. Even though I had no friends in primary school, I was still a happy girl. I would go to my mum and tell her how they treated me and then have a good cry. In high school, things got worse because my grades dropped as I couldn’t concentrate well on my studies. There is an element of truth in that you learn best when you’re happy. In my first year, there was one girl who made my life really miserable as she could always find a way to humiliate me in front of the class. But I have to confess that I wasn’t an angel either when I was in high school. I tried to find a plan on how to react against her attacks. So with the help of three other students who didn’t like her either, we took her art box and put a lot of glue inside. So the moment she opened the box when art class started, she was very angry. I was the only one who confessed that I was responsible for this vandalism. The other students who were involved didn’t say anything. After this action, the girl became much more beastly to me which was understandable. I still regret what I did no matter how cruel she was afterwards.
Over the next years, I encountered other truly wonderful people who just made me cry after school. I had classmates who threw books and pens at my head, girls who would spread rumours about me, teachers who did not intervene, even though they were not blind to the different things happening in the classroom. Then, when the students matured, they did not bully me directly, but they found a different manner to make me feel inferior, for example by refusing group work with me or isolating me from the rest of the class. I felt lonely most of the time and considered myself as the outsider at school. Because of these different experiences, I lost my self-confidence and became distrustful. Sometimes when I couldn’t stand the pressure any more, I would go to a teacher and talk about my situation. I also went to the principal twice, when it became truly unbearable. At the time I believed that they had not done enough, but I realized later on that there was a change in my classmates’ behaviour. Nonetheless, bullying and feeling misunderstood was a part of my time in high school.
There’s also another story though; the memories of being a teenager, having a crush on someone, making people laugh and the million songs I listened to during that time. Yes, it could have been more pleasant and I wish that I hadn’t experienced certain things. But it never kept me from staying true to myself, because after all I am like Mutya Buena’s song a ‘Real Girl’.