Can I be your Tinderella?
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Online dating was once a massive taboo; especially for us twenty-something students looking for love. But in the last six months the Tinder app has burst onto our social scene and is being used as a perfectly acceptable means of lighting up our love and sex-lives. However, once the app is downloaded, how many of us are actually comfortable with using it to find love? After explaining the concept behind Tinder to my father, he certainly did not consider it to be an appropriate way of finding his future son-in-law.
A few months ago, having just recovered from a year-and-a-half long turbulent fling, I decided to dip my toe back into the pool of single men in Aberdeen. In the past I was very keen to make fun of those who had Tinder, but what a hypocrite I have turned out to be. I felt like I was in last chance saloon. Please cry me a river! The matchmaking app was downloaded and my dear flatmates sighed in disappointment as it dawned on them that my dramatic lifestyle was likely to continue!
So it began. Being able to swipe mediocre men away is really rather empowering for the single lady; as Beyoncé preaches: “To the left, to the left”.
The matching began. Ignoring the guys with odd chat-up lines and cringey poems, I found a few nice boys with whom I occasionally chatted to and had the odd flirt with. After a week of addictive swiping, I seemed to have found what appeared to be a semi-normal twenty-year-old male. We shall call him Ryan (after Ryan Gosling of course). Ryan and I had many mutual friends, which made me feel more at ease about meeting him. From our first ‘Hello’ he massively picked up the pace; asking for my number and then a date. Sorry, pardon, what?! Within 24 hours this was quite frankly the fastest date I had ever wangled.
To add to this, Ryan then managed to jump the gun within a matter of hours and asked if he could visit me in Aberdeen. Bit presumptuous, I thought, but I swiftly changed the topic of our conversation and carried on flirting frantically. This was becoming rather full on. My return to the world of dating seemed to be a lot easier than I had originally thought it would be. Cue ego boost.
Date day arrived. After continuously changing my mind on whether or not to carry out this venture I decided I must – after all, what was there to lose? I informed him I was on the bus – classy as ever – and on my way. His reply was somewhat surprising, suggesting that I should stay the night at his. Was he joking?! But I knew I was safe, I donned my sucking-in-granny-pants in order to deter from situations such as this.
Upon arrival at our meeting point, I stood next to a tramp to make sure that I at least looked better than somebody. He eventually arrived and we awkwardly hugged hello, not quite the romantic welcome I had rehearsed in my head.
We jumped into the nearest taxi and Ryan brought up the subject of his love for dogs. With this revelation I was sure that I had found the love of my life. We were going to get married and have a million beautiful puppies. Anyway thank goodness I can multi-task because whilst I was making wedding plans, I realised we had arrived at the bar and drinks were kindly bought.
He chose to sit at the table near a showing of a big football match. For half an hour I watched his eyes move towards the football. I was quite disheartened that he would rather watch the football than my cleavage, so we moved onto the cinema.
During our conversation I began to realise that Ryan wasn’t as described on Tinder. Pictures were accurate, as was his name. Age, not so much. I felt like a cougar pouncing on a naïve 18 year old. This is what we call false advertising my dear readers.
It got worse – on my part. Whilst in a plush cinema with sofa seating, he made ‘the move’ and put his pre-pubescent arm around my shoulder and we snuggled up. Five minutes later he whispered in my ear… that he had a dead arm. Romantic. Halfway through the film my stomach then decided to rumble so loudly that the people in front of us turned around- such a sexy human.
After the cinema the awkward conversation of what to do next occurred. I did not quite want to take my rumbling tummy and granny pantied bahookie back to his. I hinted rather bluntly that it was bus-time.
The walk to the bus stop wasn’t great. On discussing my love for a Gin and Tonic, Ryan said that his mother drank that too. At that moment I felt as though I was closer in age to his mother than him. I repeat – cougar.
Finally at the bus stop, another awkward hug was had and I planted a kiss on his disappointed cheek. No kiss on the lips for Ryan that night. We parted ways. It soon dawned on me that he was not my Ryan Gosling.
On reflection, Tinder is certainly not an appropriate way to find a future husband, it doesn’t matter if he is a dog lover or not. However, I did get to speak to lots of men who managed to boost my confidence and it allowed me back into the dating world. Maybe I could have matched with my Prince Charming, but false advertising and a severely unromantic date is just not ok and has seriously put me off the Tinder dating game. Lessons have been learnt and mistakes have been made, I have decided that I will find Prince Charming the old fashioned way. I made the decision to swipe Tinder off my phone screen, so you’ll be finding this single lady still shaking her booty on the dance floor.