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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others. Asexual people are sometimes referred to as being “ace.” The other end of the spectrum is allosexual; anyone who feels sexual attraction for other people. 

I always knew I wasn’t interested in sex, but I thought it was like a switch and one day I would just change and wake up a different person, but I never did. I think I watched a video about asexual people and thought “I’m just like them” but for the longest time, I tried to convince myself I was greysexual and then demisexual because I thought it was “better”. This only did more harm than good. Trying to convince yourself you are something you are not is damaging and confusing. 

When trying to discover yourself doing deep dives on the internet about questioning your sexuality, it is not always the right move. Especially when you see comments such as “asexuality is just sexually traumatised people” and “asexuality is just a phase.” I can assure you it is neither one. Asexual people are the way they are. There aren’t life events leading up to it or influences that change, the nature of an ace person 

It isn’t always easy to date as an asexual person. People who are asexual can still want romantic relationships and can feel romantic attraction. That can be quite confusing in a society that needs, especially women to be in a relationship to have any worth. I’ve been happy the people I have dated have known about my sexuality beforehand, but it isn’t always the easiest topic to bring up. 

The thing that scares me about my sexuality is the culture of shame surrounding sex whether you choose to have it or not. There is never an equilibrium no one can have the right amount of sex. 

The modern sexual revolution has been great for sexual liberation and access to over-the-counter contraception and information about safe sex. However, it hasn’t dealt with the culture of shaming sexlessness and virgin-shaming. It is great to have a sexual revolution, but not if it leaves out the freedom to not have sex. 

As sex is a big part of our society, working out where you are on the asexuality scale can take some time and that’s perfectly fine. You don’t owe anyone anything, but you do owe yourself time and the truth. 

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