With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, it leaves many of us wondering where is that easy-going, good-looking, fun-loving and, not to mention, gorgeous guy we’ve heard so much about? Whether you’re in a relationship or riding solo, it’s easy to be left slightly underwhelmed with what Valentine’s Day has to offer — leaving us to question all we thought we knew about L-O-V-E…
It’s far too easy to find yourself in a relationship asking the question, does this person get me at all? Most of the time, we blame the individuals. Perhaps they are just the kind of person who is lazy, late all of the time and disorganised. However, the more I find myself in such a situation, the more I find myself pondering over the poignant message delivered by author John Gray: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
In other words, are men and women truly hardwired differently? If it’s true, then would we be better just accepting our fates and giving up on that rom-com fuelled, idyllic hope of finding someone who understands and comprehends our being? As a fully evolved woman, I understand that leaving the dishes overnight allows food to harden and just consumes more time the next day. I’m waiting on a man who has come to the same realization, but does he even exist?
No doubt love, relationships and sex are well-covered topics being thoroughly discussed on a daily basis, possibly more than any other, but we still have no firm conclusions as to how to approach them. So when we find ourselves in the midst of it all, it can be heartbreaking, lonely and confusing. I feel to some degree that if we were to accept Gray’s metaphor, it could simplify our situation. We could just accept that all men have a one-track mind that rarely operates outside of “lifting,” sex and sandwiches and just move on with life – ditching our worries by the roadside.
However, the problem lies therein: it’s just not in our nature. We are determined to find someone who shares our view of the world and how things should be done in an attempt to make the world just that little less scary and lonely — or at least have someone to call at 2am. We desperately cling on to dying relationships through fear of losing that sense of comfort and familiarity and, as always, so we don’t have to be alone again. Instead we should possess the strength and ability to be happy without someone to hold our hand through it all! But anyone who has flicked through the pages of Cosmopolitan in the last 10 years already knows this. So maybe we are not hardwired differently, but we are all the same in that we are all so scared of loneliness, we apply too much pressure to what we already have. If we find happiness on our own terms, we might be more likely to understand and accept our significant other for the person they are — not for who we want them to be. No one is ever going to agree with every thought and opinion we have, but why is that a bad thing? We should thrive upon the disagreements and revel in our differences! They enlighten us and broaden our views.
Yes, Gray is right when he says women and men are from completely different planets — both biologically and psychologically! By understanding that fact and looking beyond what we think we want, we might just find what we really need. We must be able to venture this life alone before we try to make sense of it with someone else by our side.