As surprising as it might be for someone with my stature, I am not a lightweight. This means in social gatherings (which involve alcohol), I am normally the person who is the most sober, the mother hen of the group that remembers the night and can fill in the details for those who don’t. It also means I have gathered a good sense of what types of drunks there are based on people I know. So, which one are you?
#1 The Melodrama
The melodrama is the type of person whose emotions get accelerated once they have alcohol. They tend to be more sensitive when they are drunk which makes them more prone to crying. The slightest things will start to tick them off and spark the waterworks.
#2 The Hibernator
As soon as alcohol touches their system, this type of drunk wants their bed as soon as possible. You will find these individuals struggling to keep awake, nodding to the music with their eyes half open. This could also be when someone decides to drink when already sleep-deprived, where no amount of alcohol was going to perk them up.
#3 The Flirt
Alcohol takes away any fear this person might have, where before they might not have the courage to speak to someone they find attractive. They get more handsy and touchy after they drink and sometimes it’s so extreme they flirt with anything that breathes.
#4 The Floater
This drunk is a nightmare in the club because you lose them as soon as you get in. They ‘float’ about, wandering aimlessly anywhere they go with no sense of direction. They can never stay put within the group but must keep moving… away.
#5 The Risktaker
The risktaker is a dangerous person to be around when they are drunk. They seem to think they have nine lives and make decisions as if they have never heard of fear and can do literally anything without pain.
#6 The Bored Drunk
After these individual drinks, they are disinterested in everything. They get bored and it’s written across their face. They spend the night swaying with a cup in hand, waiting for the most appropriate time to call it quits and head home.
#7 The Philosopher
This is the type of drunk who starts contemplating life, creates conspiracy theories and has existential crises when they are drunk. They make you second guess any decision you have ever made, where doubt lingers even the next day with the theory they made up combined with alcohol which they are most likely to forget the next day.
#8 The ‘No-Filter’
When a ‘no-filter’ drinks, they become the meanest, sassiest people ever. You wonder if they are even the same person behind the alcohol as it seems they have lost any care or consideration for anyone’s feelings. They can be quite offensive at times, where they blame it on just ‘wanting to be honest’.
When this individual is combined with alcohol, they are aggressive. They seem to be angry about absolutely everything, the slightest things annoy them and they may take it out on you. They may often say things they don’t mean, or do, but with no filter.
#9 The Multiple Personalities
This person gains different personalities depending on what they drink. They could become a twat after drinking champagne, is obsessed with the WAP song after some tequila shots or just extra horny after drinking wine. Choose your drink wisely with them, because depending what you choose, is the personality you’ll get.
#10 The Lovey-Dovey
This person is incredibly touchy when they are drunk and forget what personal space is. They tell you how much they love and appreciate you, are grateful you are in their life. It’s stuff you don’t always say when sober, but these types of drunks do once the alcohol hits them.
#12 The Apologiser
For some reason, when this person drinks, they think everything is their fault. And I mean everything. They think anything going wrong is theirs to blame, they are willing to take the fall, the sacrifice and apologises a million times to you. And often all they did was something so miniscule you didn’t even think it was a problem in the first place.
#13 The ‘Sober’
When drunk, the ‘sober’ is that person who claims they are not drunk when in reality, they were knocked back three shots ago. They constantly go around telling everyone how they are ‘not that drunk’, ‘can walk in a straight line’ and ‘can touch their nose’. They refuse water and believe they are a tank, drinking even more because they believe they can do it, where sometimes they may even black out.
#14 The Late Bloomer
The late bloomer is the type of person that keeps drinking till the point of no return. Their metabolism doesn’t seem to work the right way, as for the longest time, they seem sober, so they keep drinking. The alcohol doesn’t seem to affect them straight away, but then it hits them, and they are gone.
#15 The Lethe
Literally meaning ‘forgetfulness’, the lethe seems to have no recollection of anything that happens whilst they are drunk. They often forget the most important details about anything and the next day, they have absolutely no memory of any of the events of the previous night. And that’s where I come in.
Alcohol affects every individual in a different way and it intrigues me into how many drunks I have seen myself. Honourable mentions include the quiet drunk, who you hear absolutely nothing about during the night; the annoying drunk which is the person who frustrates you in any way possible and, of course, those who black out when they drink. Props to you for going all the way!