Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
I’d been flirting with this guy for a few weeks after meeting at a party – long texting conversations and hanging out. Then there was another party and we made out, which was awesome. Unfortunately, I was a little drunk and made the mistake of mentioning that I wanted a relationship. I apologized the next day via text but I’m pretty sure I freaked him out. We still text but he’s been pretty quiet and not very flirty. We have tentative plans to hang out, but I kind of feel like he’s trying to placate me. I don’t know what to do – I really like him but I don’t want to seem desperate. What’s my next step (if there is one…) or have I messed things up completely? – Hopeless at Hunter
Hopeless,
When you want to have the “DTR” talk, there is a time and a place to do it. Neither involves partying nor alcohol. Come on, girl.
I’m just kidding, but you do need to do a bit of a disaster clean-up. Even if something may be brewing between you two, it isn’t the time to bring up a relationship just yet, especially if Mr. Jim Beam or Jose Cuervo are the ones talking for you. You have to move in stages.
Now that we’re past that, it’s time to see what we can do about the situation now that you’ve spilled the beans about wanting a relationship. The good news is that he still agreed to hang out with you afterwards. If he was truly freaked, he would have completely avoided you and ran for the hills. However, his tentativeness is likely stemming from his uncertainty about the situation. “Drunk sayings are sober thoughts” is how he likely feels about what you said. Even though you tried to rectify your statement about wanting a relationship, he probably still thinks that’s how you feel and is a little freaked that you mentioned a relationship so soon after hooking up.
Texting an apology will only get you so far, so what you have to do is ask him to hang out. To not sound clingy though, bring it up casually. Ask him if he wants to grab a burger or something. If he objects, don’t hound him to hang out. Don’t be afraid to give him space because he may still be a little freaked. If you guys keep getting together and things go back to the way they were before that evening, you’re in the clear. However, if he remains aloof and texting just isn’t the same, it may be time to abandon ship.
What will most likely happen is this: at first, he’ll probably be a bit standoffish because of what you said at the party. If he does this, ignore it and be yourself. Act the way you did before you hooked up. It will be hard and will probably take some time, but before you know it, he may open up again, so watch his body language for his true feelings. It mostly comes down to physical touch. Throw your hand on his knee or punch him on the shoulder after a funny joke. If he frowns or shies away from you, he’s probably uncomfortable. But if the conversation continues as if nothing happened, you’re in the clear. After you’ve hung out a couple times, bring up what happened that night. Tell him you were drunk and that you didn’t mean to freak him out. If he’s comfortable again, it probably won’t even be an issue.
Give him a couple weeks after the party to talk about how you truly feel, but no more. If he keeps acting weird by then, it’s probably time to move on. Sit him down in a casual place and tell him how you feel. If he’s a good guy, he’ll hear you out and give you genuine feedback about the two of you. If he’s a jerk about it, then I think you know what to do. Whichever way he goes, remember in the future that timing is everything when it comes to having the talk about your relationship.