Since I was a kid, I’ve loved the idea of studying abroad. Even when I was in elementary school, part of me wanted to be like the girls in the books I read whose parents sent them to some fancy boarding school in the U.K. I would watch tons of YouTube vlogs of people traveling all around the world and dream of a time when it would be me. However, it was only until this past semester, in my final year of college, that I went on an exchange to Ireland. And even then, up until I was on the plane, I wasn’t sure I would actually go through with it.
I had other opportunities to study abroad earlier on in college, but there was always something holding me back. I’ve lived with anxiety for most of my life, and because of that, I’ve often avoided doing things that may trigger me, including studying abroad. But, since I was reaching my final opportunity to go as a senior, I knew deep down that I would truly regret it if I didn’t at least try. So, I signed up. Then, about a month before I left for Europe, I was officially diagnosed with both social and illness anxiety disorders. It was a weight off my shoulders to have the words to describe what I was feeling on a daily basis, but it was also scary to have confirmation of what I was sure made me the wrong kind of person to go on an exchange. It was right there on paper that I had anxiety; why would I go off and face with the very things that, clinically, I have a hard time with?
I considered canceling my plans and back out of the program, but I stuck it out. I did this largely by reminding myself of all the ways it could go right instead of just ways it could go wrong. And when the time came, I got on the plane and made it all the way across the Atlantic Ocean by myself.
I’ll admit it: The first week was hard. I was by myself; I moved into an empty apartment before any of my roommates moved in, and I hadn’t met anyone else yet. I would wake up disoriented, thinking I was in my bed at home, only to panic when I remembered where I was.
But, that passed. My roommates moved in, and I made great friends and amazing memories. I traveled to three new countries and conquered so many of my fears. In some ways, living abroad wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought. I’d worried that I wouldn’t be able to do the normal things that brought me comfort back home, like binging Netflix shows with my roommate and staying in my pajamas all day. But it turns out, I was still able to do those things while I was away. (Apart from maybe having access to a Chipotle.) While I had some hard days, they were wildly outnumbered by good ones.
I am truly so proud of myself for following through with my study abroad, and I wouldn’t change anything about it. I will cherish the memories and friendships I made, and I hope that anyone out there who is considering studying abroad takes the chance and goes for it. If you think you aren’t the right kind of person to do it — whether it’s because of your mental health or for whatever other reason — I’m here to tell you that you are. Of course, it is still a huge deal to move to a different country, so make sure that you are taking care of yourself to ensure that you are being safe and having fun. But as long as you can work out a plan that works for you, go for it. And, if you find yourself in Europe, consider making a stop in Ireland. It’s now one of my favorite places in the world.