When I entered the University of California back in 2009, I was a bright, doe-eyed young girl. Despite being only 22 now, I feel as though the last four years brought me to an age way beyond my years. I ended up dropping out of my Winter Quarter (2011). That year, my family lost their business, and my mother became unemployed. I quickly had to learn how to work and become a young and independent woman, out in a world where work was hard to come by. I moved to LA to find work and unfortunately, being a young and naive woman at the time, I was tossed around a bit. I had metaphorically and severely scraped my knees working 60+ hours a week to live in the big city and to manage to save money to return back to school. I had faced a workforce where education and a degree were in demand.
Then in December of 2011, my sister Sereena almost died. She was diagnosed with kidney failure and a severe autoimmune disorder called lupus nephritis, which attacks the kidneys. Never had I imagined that my little sister would have to go through something like this. My sister was admitted to the ICU at Choc Hospital in Orange County for the whole months of December 2011 and January 2012. I felt like my education was being stolen from me due to my circumstances. I saw her suffering, almost dying the first three days she was there. The doctors couldn’t diagnose her because her case was very different than the normal lupus case. Her blood pressure was at 195, and her kidneys were at 1% function. We were told that if we waited a few more days, she would have been unable to recuperate. To try and save her kidneys, they put her on dialysis and removed 60 lbs of water from her body, and I saw her shrivel down. I witnessed her fight to live, and this 15-year-old girl, my little sister, remained so strong. But what was the most touching was that out of anyone who was there to help her, she trusted me to bed-bathe her, to help her with her most natural bodily functions, and she wanted me in the room for her surgery. I remember the moment they put her under anesthesia… I could see her eyes roll to the back of her head, and I prayed to God to please help her get through this ordeal. I knew then how much I loved her, and I was moved to be just as strong for her as she was to survive. She survived her treatments, and for all of 2012 underwent chemotherapy to suppress her disorder. It was so hard for me to see her lose her hair, to feel so weak, and to know that at any moment her condition could flare up again.
I started classes in January 2012, but not only did I have to study and maintain my course load 20-28 units depending on the quarter, I also had to work 35-40 hours a week to provide for my family. My family had lost everything, except for my sister—the light in the darkness we have faced. For the first time, I took out student loans to make sure my two siblings had a home over their heads to avoid being put out on the street while my mom was desperately looking for work, and is currently still unemployed. I cannot express how difficult it is to work so much, to take out loans, fearing post-grad debt, and to try to graduate by this June.
Maintaining friendships was difficult due to lack of time and ability to visit and go to functions. If I wasn’t in class, I was at work; and if I wasn’t at work, I was with my family or sleeping. I did visit with a few close friends every now and then for lunch, to take a breather for a moment, and those moments were cherished due to their infrequency. One of my most private and cherished moments where I could funnel a lot of emotion and energy into were the shows I worked on as a director. Picking meaningful plays and writing original work for my university allowed me to share very positive feelings through artwork and that itself was very healing, enriching, and powerful. Working and collaborating on productions was in essence my greatest form of socialization during the past year and half, but as things are getting better this year, I’m finding more time to socialize with friends who hold a very special part in my life.
Another thing I did for myself when my sister was stable enough was to take up sailing last summer. I needed to spend a few hours for myself close to the water to meditate, soak up some sun and fresh air. It helped me so much and gave me something very personal to look forward to. I even took my sister out on a boat around Newport Harbor here in Newport Beach. She sat at the front of the boat, and I could tell she felt free and happy and had so much to look forward to. I’m finishing up my sailing certification this summer so that I can take her out in a boat every week. We can continue her road to full health, not just physically, but emotionally and introduce her to activities that she can cherish.
My family’s welfare has resided on my shoulders this past year, and I pray with all my heart that things shape up for us. But at the end of the day, I have noticed that what makes me happy and stable is my focus and driving motivation to finish what I started, an education at the University of California Irvine. Sometimes it is very easy to give up on yourself, and to forget about what makes you happy when there are so many obstacles, but coming out of all this struggle, I actually was able to find myself more and know truly what I value in my relationships, and what I want to do with my future time and energy. I didn’t give up or lose sight of my passions and having been through obstacles. I finally submitted my application to graduate this spring, and as I write this my eyes well up with so many tears because it has been a struggle, a fight to overcome all obstacles to obtain my degree from my university. I deserve that commencement ceremony, to say, “I did it. I made it.” I fought with every living cell in my body to get here, and most importantly to keep my family together, housed, and safe. My battle continues: my mom has been interned into the ER twice, once this week, and once a few months back for a new condition, and this just reminds me how important it is to keep one’s spirit alive. To never give up on yourself and keep pushing forward every day that you have breath in your lungs. I am now a stronger woman, more empowered than when I entered UCI back in 2009, and I am proud to call UCI my Alma Mater when I walk this spring.
My younger sister, who is now 16, called me up the other day and asked me to help her go to college too now that her health is stable, and her kidneys are functioning at 100%. She isn’t able to exert a lot of physical stress such as in sports, but she is undertaking yoga and other health maintenance practices to make sure she doesn’t relapse. It will always be a constant fear, a relapse, but that is where she understands preventative care is important. She has matured so much and understands so much more why health is important. She definitely is a young woman who knows firsthand the importance of not taking anything for granted and not a lot of 16-year- olds reach that maturity right away. It was so warming to hear that she looks up to me, to the work I have put in, and to my efforts to finish my education. She told me that she wants to be just like me and finish her degree. To know that your everyday actions speak louder than words, and can motivate others to do sometimes what seems the impossible, is the greatest reward and achievement one can obtain. UCI has been one of the biggest blessings in my life, and the education I have received has helped me to stay grounded this year and last year, and to really appreciate my school in all its offerings. My younger sister has been touched with inspiration to give back to the community as well and to further herself and make change happen through education, influence, and leadership.