As nice as it can feel to receive them, the simple act of giving compliments to strangers can definitely feel just as great, if not better. Whether it’s telling someone you admire their new TikTok-inspired haircut or praising the trendy outfit they’ve put together for their summer internship, receiving compliments can definitely make another person’s day (or, if you’re like me, they can make your whole week!). I decided to put this to the test by spending an entire week giving compliments to at least three strangers everyday to see how the compliments made them feel while also seeing the effect giving compliments might have on my own feelings, especially in the context of the pandemic, where normal opportunities to interact have been limited.
Social awkwardness is at an all-time high as we navigate the return to “normal life” (though the pandemic isn’t over yet!). How do we connect with strangers when we’re used to being alone inside all the time? College students are facing this problem in a unique way as universities shift back to on-campus operations — we’ll be living, dining, studying, and partying with hundreds of people we’ve never met, or only know through a screen. That’s why I endeavored to find out how to make this transition easier — and maybe the easiest method is to turn these strangers into potential friends.
I made it my mission to compliment a diverse group of people in various locations. The compliments ranged from comments on their cool earrings to their choice in books at a bookstore. Needless to say, the results gave way to a lot of smiles, lessons learned, and even a new perspective on what it really means to spread positivity.
The science behind compliments
While my ultimate goal in giving compliments to strangers was mainly to make others happy, I can’t deny the way it made me feel, too. Lighting up the face of a stranger almost made me feel like I had some kind of superpower since I was able to shift their mood. And this isn’t far from the truth — a 2012 scientific study from the Public Library of Science found that upon receiving praise and positive feedback, motor skills and motivation improves. So giving out compliments to people actually does have a bigger impact than a simple smile!
Another scientific study, conducted in 2020 and published by the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that people often greatly underestimate the value of compliments and are likely to overestimate how annoyed or bothered the stranger might be by the interaction. These factors often prevent people from complimenting strangers at all, which made me feel a bit anxious before working up the nerve to greet others.
Following Through With Flattery
Leading up to each compliment, I definitely began to understand these factors firsthand. It felt uncomfortable and almost unnatural to walk up to someone I had never met before, and I felt the introverted side of myself urge me to abort the mission. This anxiety was magnified given how social interactions have only become tougher during the pandemic, especially with limited in-person interactions, social isolation, and increased stress in times of transition. So, sparking a conversation with total strangers was something I hadn’t really practiced for almost two years — and I prayed it wasn’t obvious when delivering the compliment.
What I realized was that the initial nerves subsided immediately after delivering the compliment and I soon learned that, so long as your compliment comes from a genuine place of positivity, there’s really nothing to be worried about. I had been abiding by the misconception that it would be difficult to give a thoughtful compliment to a stranger I had never met before, but it was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be to find something about them that I truly admired.
When I was in line at the grocery store, for example, I noticed that the cashier had a really pretty lemon-patterned headband. So, instead of keeping that to myself, I let them know that I thought their headband looked awesome. Noticing things that we admire in others often comes naturally in our own heads, so it just comes down to making the effort to share our positive thoughts out loud.
Of course, it’s easier said than done, and making new connections outside of your comfort zone can feel overwhelming, no matter how small or temporary they may be. But complimenting strangers is incredibly easy to practice throughout your everyday activities and requires a small effort that can go a long way. When I told someone my age at a thrift store that we had a similar taste in style, we ended up exchanging Instagram usernames and have now become friends!
Giving compliments 101
As I kept giving compliments during the week, I learned what it means to give a real, genuine compliment that can help improve the recipient’s day. This includes things like noticing the detail they may have put into their appearance (such as complimenting someone’s accessory choice in their outfit) or even being extra appreciative of a service they provided to you (like telling your waiter at a restaurant that their friendly service made your whole day). If your compliment shows a genuine appreciation and admiration for the other person, you’ll likely receive a smile in return!
But, as with any interaction, it’s important to be aware of comments towards others that can potentially be harmful — even if it’s unintentional and it comes from an initial place of positivity. Backhanded compliments are hurtful comments disguised in an optimistic way, and they often do more harm than good. It’s never okay to comment on someone’s body type, for instance, because you don’t know what they may be experiencing regarding their physical and mental health, even if you think your comment is positive.
To avoid unintentionally giving someone a backhanded compliment, you can always choose to compliment people on things other than their appearance, such as their friendliness or sense of humor.
Walking away with something more
Giving people compliments is, IMO, one of the most underrated forms of encouraging your personal body positivity and overall habits of self-care. When sharing your admiration for another person in a minimal-effort action, you subconsciously teach yourself how to appreciate others — and yourself — in a brand new light. When you practice giving compliments to others, you also naturally learn the language of giving compliments to yourself and start integrating it into your daily life. Without a doubt, I found myself happier when styling my hair in the mirror or picking out a new outfit because hyping myself up instead of tearing myself down became a new default setting after this experiment. Finding the things you like in others definitely makes it easier to find things you like in yourself!
Furthermore, seeing the reactions of strangers after they received the compliment was the surest way to make the both of us feel warm inside. During the pandemic, sharing a smile with others and spreading positivity has definitely been a challenge, especially as we all learn to readapt to everyday social interactions and step outside of our comfort zone safely. But the need for making the days a little brighter for others has only become more clear as we navigate these challenges together. Though most strangers were wearing face masks, their surprise in receiving the compliment and happiness to accept it was obvious.
After this week, I walked away with more insight about myself and my interactions with others than I ever expected to. Even though it might be tough to get back into social interactions with masks and physical distancing, with persistent effort, a goal of spreading positivity, and even a little science on your side, I learned that complimenting strangers doesn’t have to be so strange at all.
Studies Referenced:
Sugawara, S., et. al. (2012). Social Rewards Enhance Offline Improvements in Motor Skill. Public Library of Science.
Boothby, E., and Bohns, V. (2020). Why a Simple Act of Kindness Is Not as Simple as It Seems: Underestimating the Positive Impact of Our Compliments on Others. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.