Freshman year with your random roommate was awkward. Not only did you have to sleep just feet away from a complete stranger, but you also had to get used to her strange, annoying and downright gross habits (one of my friends had a roommate who used to pee in cups when she didn’t feel like walking down the hall to the bathroom—seriously).
Cut to sophomore, junior or senior year, and life is so much better because you’re finally living with someone whom you actually like. No more awkward head nods for hellos, rolling your eyes because she’s blasting music when you’re trying to study, or venting to your friend down the hall when she brings home a different guy every night. But what happens when you realize halfway through the semester that your friend who is now your roommate has some of those annoying habits as well? Sometimes bringing up issues with your bestie is even more difficult than doing it with someone you already don’t see eye to eye with. But don’t freak out yet – we’ve compiled a list of sticky situations that you might face and we’ll give you the 411 on how to handle them without ruining a friendship or a dorm room.
Sticky Situation: Your roommate is getting a little cozy… with every guy on campus.
Sure, if she wants to hook up with every athlete, frat guy and GDI on campus, it’s her prerogative. But when her late-night conquests are affecting your sleep schedule, sanitation and sanity, it might be time to speak up. Kim*, a senior at Syracuse University, said that her roommate would constantly bring guys back to their room, and when she brought it up, her roommate turned the situation into a joke. “Every night there would be a different guy in our room, and the next morning, I would casually tell her that she needed to slow down and she would make a sarcastic comment and think that I was kidding. It got to the point where I wasn’t really sure what to do because I wasn’t getting through to her at all,” she said.
Instead of trying to lighten the situation by casually bringing up the issue in an everyday conversation, tell your roommate you’d like to have a serious talk with her. It doesn’t have to be a formal meeting, but firmly explain to her that while you do support her decisions, you don’t support them when they’re interfering with your life. “First and foremost, the student must inform the roommate that these behaviors are affecting him or her negatively,” said Jason Kuntz, the director of residential life at Lebanon Valley College in Annville, PA. “Ask them to have their rendezvous in the room of their partner or when you’re not around.”
The same rules go for your roommate who constantly has her boyfriend over. Ask her if you can set some “house rules” that work for both of you. Be realistic and make sure the rules aren’t too harsh – remember, she lives there too. If she wants to have a random guy or her boyfriend over, it might be helpful to put a cap on a time that he needs to leave during the week, or set a limit on the number of times per week she can have someone stay over. Or, if she really feels the need to bring someone back, make a deal that she’ll have to clear it with you first. If you show your roommate that you’re serious and no longer making light of the situation, she’ll respect you enough to think twice before she brings the hottie from the bar back to your room next weekend.
Sticky Situation: Your roommate has only picked up a mop once…when she bought it.
For some people, a messy room or apartment doesn’t bother them, but for others, it can create some serious stress. I, unfortunately, fall into the latter category, and actually slightly panic when there’s old food left out or dishes in the sink. Luckily, my roommates understand this slightly psychotic side of me and always make a conscious effort to clean up after themselves. Not everyone can be so lucky. Brittany*, a senior at the University of New Hampshire, had a roommate who was constantly throwing parties and not cleaning up afterwards. “One time, I left for the weekend, and came back to sticky floors and empty beer cans everywhere—even in my bed!” she said.
Instead of getting upset, Brittany explained the situation to her roommate and told her that living in filth was no longer an option. The two worked together to come up with a time once a week to give their apartment a quick cleaning. “It ended up working out really well, and every Sunday, it would take us only like 20 minutes to get our apartment in order,” she said.
Talking out your problems and working together may be your best bet for getting your room or apartment back in shape, Kuntz says. “Explain to them how you are concerned about the tidiness of the room for health reasons. Bugs and mold tend to gravitate toward unclean areas,” he says. “Offer to help them clean their side of the room. This way, the student has the perception that they are being helped.”
If your roommate still doesn’t understand that you mean business, it might be a good idea to show her how much cleaning you really do. Brianna*, a junior at Florida Gulf Coast University, tried this tactic with her roommate. “For one week, I completely stopped cleaning. It was hard to watch the dishes pile up in the sink and the garbage overflow, but soon, she got the hint. She noticed how much I really did around the apartment, and actually approached me to apologize for never taking the initiative to clean up,” she said.
Sticky Situation: You’re taking trips to the grocery store three times a week because your roommate is always snagging all of your food.
The food issue is always a tricky one. While you do want to share with your roommate, spending hundreds of dollars to feed her can definitely be annoying. Meredith*, a junior at Michigan State University, solved the issue by going grocery shopping with her roommate. “We both eat pretty much the same things, so we’d go grocery shopping once a week or once every other week and just get one cart and get whatever we planned on eating for the week. That way, we would both stock up at the same time so we’d both have food for the week. And we’d just split the bill, so I didn’t have to worry about paying for everything she was eating,” she said.
Another option is to discuss food boundaries with each other. “I told my roommate that if she was planning on eating something that I bought, to just buy it for herself,” Kelly said. “If I wanted to eat something that was hers or she wanted to eat something that was mine, we agreed that we’d just ask each other. I’m totally fine with sharing, it’s just annoying to not know what she’s eating because then I would go look for it and it would be gone,” she said.
Kuntz also suggests keeping your food separate. “If both of you do not want to share [your food], then you need to have your food labeled and placed in your own closet or shelf,” he says.
If all else fails and you need maximum security, invest in your own mini fridge. “I had a friend who had the whole talk with her roommate about sharing food, they put their names on everything, and they even attempted to go grocery shopping together and split the bill, but it ended up not working out. She finally just bought a mini fridge and kept it in her bedroom. It definitely worked,” Kelly said.
Sticky Situation: Since you’re best friends, your roommate thinks it’s fine to go in your room and borrow anything she wants without asking.
One of the benefits of living with a friend is that when your closet seems empty, you can always borrow an outfit from her. When your printer runs out of ink, you can always count on her to use hers. When you need just the right pair of gold earrings to make an outfit, she has them. One of the detriments to this, however, is that sometimes roommates can take advantage.
“My roommate and I always borrow each other’s clothes, but after we started living with each other, she treated my closet like it was hers. She would go in and grab whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. At first, I was fine with it because I know I borrow her stuff all the time, but she started taking things that I was planning on wearing or returning my stuff stained,” River said.
To avoid this situation, come up with a system of borrowing. Tell your roommate that while you’re always okay with her wearing your stuff, she needs to tell you in advance before she takes it and has to return it the way she found it. “Nine times out of 10, she’s going to respect that, and will be happy that you’re coming up with some sort of rule so that you respect her stuff too,” River said.
Sometimes this agreement doesn’t resonate with your roommate, though, and that’s when extreme measures might have to be taken. “My roommate always took my clothes, would use all the ink in my printer, would take my lotion, use my makeup—everything. So finally, I had my dad come up and put a lock on my door,” Kelly said. “When she questioned me about it, I just told her that my dad told me he’d feel better about all my belongings, like my TV and laptop, if there was a lock on my door.”
Living with your best friend can be the best thing sometimes, and the worst thing other times. Everyone finds themselves in a sticky situation at some point, but making these simple lifestyle adjustments can make your living situation a whole lot better.
Sources:
*College girls around the country – names have been changed
Jason Kuntz, the director of residential life at Lebanon Valley College in Annville, PA