Hangovers: They’re our bodies’ way of punishing us for having a little too much fun (a.k.a. the “fun tax”), and they may actually be the one of the worst forms of punishment known to man. Waking up after a night out with the girls and trying to get your act together can sometimes feel like performing a miracle… or an exorcism. But we all know the classic struggles of being hungover, and we’ve all thought the same thoughts:
1. Did I get hit by a bus last night?
2. If someone ever took a jackhammer to my head for an indefinite period of time, this is what it would feel like.
3. Why is the sun a thing? Can the sun not be a thing? Sun, you are burning my retinas.
4. Screw it, I’m wearing sunglasses today and looking homeless. Try and stop me.
5. I think I’m gonna throw up… *runs to bathroom* Ugh, false alarm.
6. Maybe I should try to eat so I have something in my belly. Banana? No. Cereal? No. Donut? Duh.
7. This coffee may be the only good thing that happens to me today.
8. I wonder if people can smell the alcohol and regret on me. What does regret even smell like? Vodka and pizza? Because then yeah, they probably can.
9. I don’t want to be a human today. Seriously, can’t me getting out of bed be enough of an accomplishment? There’s no way I’m gonna be able to make it through class.
10. I think I saw that girl out last night and we talked about this class. I guess I’ll smile and wave. Oh, no, never mind, I’ve never seen that girl in my life.
11. Is it time for a nap yet? *Checks watch* It’s only 11:15 am?! You’ve got to be kidding me.
It’s always a day of pain and suffering, but slowly the effects wear off and we regain some control of our bodies as we swear off alcohol forever… or, you know, until tomorrow night.