Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo

How To Ask A Connection To Put In A Good Word For You

The Her Campus National Editors write about products we love and think you’ll love too. Her Campus has affiliate partnerships, so we get a share of the revenue from your purchase. All products are in stock and all prices are accurate as of publication.

After carefully crafting your cover letter and tweaking your resume, you’ve finally applied for a position at your dream company. You know it’s essential to make sure your application doesn’t get sucked into a black hole of resumes, so you start thinking of other ways to stand out besides your stellar app package. Then, you wonder if you should ask a connection to put in a good word for you — after all, they say that can improve your chances of landing the job, and if nothing else, it certainly won’t hurt them. The question is, who do you ask, and how?

Hopefully, you’ve taken the time to connect with people during college and throughout your job search. Now, it’s time to utilize those connections strategically. Your resume is more likely to be reviewed if you have someone at your target company who can draw the hiring manager’s attention to your application and vouch for your potential. So whether you’re looking to ask a connection via email for a referral for a job or for an internship, here are six tips for leveraging your network and increasing your chances of landing an interview and getting your dream job.

1. Find the best person to help make an introduction

When asking someone to put in a good word for you, make sure that the person you choose is actually connected to whoever will be reviewing applications and making the final decision. In most cases, this will be the hiring manager. Tom Dezell, the author of Networking for the Novice, Nervous, or Naïve Job Seeker, says to use your connections strategically and consider who can help the most during this process. “I recommend first reaching out to the connection you have the strongest relationship with at a company,” he tells Her Campus.

People who know you well will be more equipped — and more likely — to recommend you because they have firsthand knowledge of your skills and abilities! However, you want to be sure that this person can help facilitate a meaningful connection for you and put in a good word where it counts. For instance, your best friend may work at your dream company, but if they don’t know the hiring manager, they may not be the best person to make the connection.

“You need to get to someone that has influence that can help you find the hiring manager or contact someone in HR,” Neal Schaffer, global social media speaker and author of Windmill Networking: Understanding, Leveraging and Maximizing LinkedIn tells Her Campus. 

If you have an acquaintance you only speak with now and then, but who knows the hiring manager personally or can put you in touch with someone who does, you may want to consider nurturing the relationship. If you don’t contact this person often, Schaffer says not to let it deter you. “Even if it’s a ‘weak’ relationship, that should be no excuse not to contact them,” he explains. It’s perfectly okay to ask for help from someone who doesn’t really know you at all, as long as it’s done respectfully.

In some cases, you might not know anyone at your target company, but Schaffer says this shouldn’t stop you from trying for an “in.” One of the best ways to do that is by networking on LinkedIn, seeing if you have any mutual connections, and reaching out professionally – even if you don’t know personally know the connection. But if you feel intimidated “cold” messaging people on LinkedIn, you’re not alone — know that everyone has to start somewhere, and you can always become less of a stranger by sending a nice note and establishing something you have in common.

2. Establish a connection with that person

Whether it’s a friend, acquaintance, mentor, or someone you barely know, you never want anyone to feel overwhelmed or burdened with your request. People are busy, and you want to make it easy and efficient for them to help you. Some connections may require a bit more effort from you before they have the ability — or reason — to put in a good word. One way to achieve this is by nurturing the relationship and establishing common ground between the two of you.

“Try to make a connection with this person — through whatever filter you have — [so that] when you reach out to them, they’ll want to help you,” Schaffer says. That “filter” can be that you went to the same school, were in the same sorority, grew up in the same state, or maybe you have a mutual friend on LinkedIn that you can mention.

If you don’t have something obvious in common, use your research skills to dig deeper. Google your connection or scour their LinkedIn profile to see if they are interested in sports and follow a team you love. Or perhaps they took a class with a professor that you did, too. Once you’ve figured out something the two of you share, mention it when you reach out. Try something like, “Hi, [name]! It looks like we went to the same school, and I saw on your profile that you worked closely with [name of professor, etc.]. I’ve just taken a class of hers, and it was really eye-opening!”

Reaching out to make a connection may feel awkward at first, but the critical thing to remember is that you’re trying to establish common ground. Write naturally and authentically while maintaining a respectful tone; doing so will make your connection feel more comfortable helping you. “Once you create that affinity, it becomes much easier to ask for something,” Schaffer explains.

3. determine the best way to get a job referral

All companies have different hiring processes, and if you’re going to ask a connection for a good word, you want to be sure of the necessary procedure for doing so. “A good opening question is to ask about how the company’s hiring process works, since based on that, you may learn [the best thing] your connection can do for you,” says Dezell. “At some places, the personal introduction may be best, and at others, it’s [a formal] referral.”

A referral is when your connection gives you the name and contact information of the hiring manager, then you contact the hiring manager directly, mentioning that your connection referred you. With a personal introduction, your connection will reach out on your behalf to introduce you to the hiring manager, whether that’s through an email, a phone call, or an in-person meeting with all three of you present.

Schaffer argues that in most cases, the personal introduction is the way to go, but Dezell says it’s important to ask before you make your request because different places may have different policies for handling such requests. For example, if you’re looking to go into government work, Dezell points out that the hiring process is closely monitored to provide equal opportunity for all candidates. “There are no referral incentives, so email correspondence can create a record of favoritism toward a particular candidate,” he says. In such cases, a professional referral or personal introduction over the phone might be best.

A connection will be more likely to handle your request if there is a formal procedure, so be sure to research and know what a company’s policy is. Dezell points out that some companies offer bonuses for referring candidates who go on to be hired; in some cases, if your connection also gains something from helping you, they may be more willing to do so. To find out what the company recruitment process is like, ask the following: “Does your company have any special requirements for referrals or introductions?”

4. Be specific with your request For A job Referral

Now that you’ve found the proper connection, established common ground, and researched how a referral can be made, it’s time to get specific about what you need. Maybe it’s an email, phone call, or personal introduction, or you’re applying directly through a company’s website and would like to list a connection on your application. Regardless, do your research and have a specific ask for people — the more respectful and transparent, the better.

No matter what your “ask” is, Dezell recommends figuring out who the hiring manager is first — and if that info isn’t immediately apparent, asking if your connection can share that information with you. “The contact you want a referral or introduction to is the hiring manager in the department you hope to work [in] at the company,” says Dezell. “Always ask the connection, no matter how strong, who that individual is.”

Once you know who the hiring manager is, be very specific in your request to “put a good word in.” For acquaintances, start your request with something like, “Dear [name], I hope you are doing well. I am planning on applying to [XYZ job position], and I’m reaching out to see if you would be open to introducing me to the hiring manager.” Then, without going overboard, include a bit of your background and communicate your enthusiasm for the role — in other words, don’t just ask and expect the person to help you just because (remember: they may receive many emails like this per day!). Always offer to send your resume, a short bio, your professional portfolio, and any other materials so that your connection can have a firmer grasp on your skills and feel more confident introducing you to someone on their team.

Always stay professional, but if you know your connection very well (i.e., a close friend from school), your request might be a bit less formal: “Hi, [name]! I’m applying to [XYZ job position], and I noticed you’re connected to [hiring manager] on LinkedIn. Do you think you’d be comfortable passing my name along to them and putting in a good word?” Just remember that even if you’re asking a close friend, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll get you the job — nothing is guaranteed, but it’s always worth the ask!

5. Give your connection an “out”

The last thing you want to do is pressure your connection or make them feel like they have no choice but to help you. Your connection may have just started working at the company and doesn’t have very much influence, or perhaps they don’t know the hiring manager very well and would like to avoid coming across as pushy. When asking someone to put in a good word for you, always be sure to give them an out and be respectful — not demanding — in your request.

“Put yourself in their shoes,” Schaffer says. “They’re going to go out of their way to help you. Sometimes they’re putting their professional reputation on the line by asking for an introduction for you.”

Asking someone to put in a good word can be a risky favor, and you want your connection to be able to respectfully decline your request if they don’t feel comfortable. Schaffer says that one quick sentence near the end of your request is a polite way to let your connection bow out. For example, you might say, “I totally understand if this is too much.” Dezell suggests, “Any assistance or helpful information you can provide will be greatly appreciated.” This indicates that even if they can’t make a direct connection right away, their time and energy are still appreciated — and they may have other opportunities in mind for you, too.

The bottom line is that you want to make sure your connection is comfortable helping you. Having an out lets them know that you know their time is valuable or that you understand they might not be able to connect you directly with a hiring manager right away.

6. say thank you

Whether you’re reaching out to a stranger on LinkedIn or asking a close friend to put in a good word for you, always remember to say thank you! No matter what happens in your job search, make sure to thank your connection for their support. So much of career growth depends on connections, and you always want to be known as a respectful person who shows gratitude. “Very few people actually send a thank you email after they get a connection or after they get introduced,” says Schaffer. “You want to use this to strengthen your relationship.”

You can send a quick email or a thank you note that says something along the lines of: “Thank you so much for referring/introducing me to [hiring manager’s name]! I really appreciate your assistance, as well as your confidence in me. I’ll be sure to keep you posted on my progress!” If your connection is a good friend, call them up, or invite them out to coffee or lunch as a sign of your appreciation.

If you do end up getting the job, Schaffer and Dezell both say that sending a small gift — like a Starbucks gift card — can be a nice way to thank your connection. And don’t worry too much about whether to snail mail or email your token of thanks. “The method of delivery is not as important as actually [saying thank you] and doing it in a timely fashion,” Schaffer says. So whether it’s a handwritten Hallmark card or a thoughtfully-crafted letter via email, pick one that works for you and make sure to get it done as soon as you can!

Not only is it important to say thank you, but gestures like this can go a long way and strengthen the connection for the future. “If they introduce you once to someone of influence, who knows when they’ll make another introduction for you?” says Schaffer.

Your network is a vital aspect of the job hunt, and sometimes, asking someone to put in a good word for you can pay off in a big way. Even if your first connection says no, don’t stop the search — always be on the lookout for potential relationships, including in places and industries you wouldn’t normally expect. Keep your chin up and keep looking until you find someone willing to help. And if they ask you to put in a good word in the future, or any other request, be sure to return the favor!


Jaya is a passionate wordsmith who spends way too much money on books. Eventually she decided that to become a writer she should probably stop reading so much and actually, you know, write something. She hopes that her words make a lasting impact on readers.