I have been going to therapy on and off for the past eight years. I was forced into it at a young age, so for most of my life, I doubted it. After working through some of that internalized resentment and avoidance of therapy, I was able to go back to it as an adult, voluntarily. It was the best decision I ever made for myself. Here are three things I wish I knew before starting therapy as an adult:
- BE BLUNT
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It is not productive to try to sugarcoat or underplay or artistically say what you want to say. Say how you feel and think openly, even if what you feel may seem selfish or “bad.” You have to be 100% honest with your therapist and with yourself. Don’t try to make yourself seem “better” for the sake of protecting your ego. They need the truth in order to fully gauge where you are at. Even the little things that may seem insignificant. Our inner thoughts might not make us who we are, but they do help your therapist understand where you are better. They are not there to judge you. Trust me, they have heard a lot worse things, and chances are, your inner thoughts and feelings may be more common than you think.
- HAVE AN OPEN MIND AND HEART
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I am sure you’ve heard of that person who is almost anti-therapy. They say it doesn’t work, or that they don’t need it and it doesn’t even help them. Notice how their mind is quite clearly closed off to the thought of therapy. The interesting thing about this claim is that with therapy, you get what you put in. And you can’t put in your all if a part of you is closed off to the process. Therapy isn’t going to fix all your problems. Your therapist isn’t some magical being that will help you uncover these revolutionary discoveries within yourself. They are a person who is there to listen to you and give you honest guidance as to how to process and move forward with whatever it is you are going through. The real change happens when you take what advice they give you and apply it to your life every single day. That is where the real work happens.
- YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING TO START
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A common preconceived notion about therapy is that you use it when you are going through something traumatic or overcoming something that happened to you. The truth is, though, you don’t have to be going through something. There does not have to be something “wrong with you” for you to go to therapy. The fact of the matter is that none of us are perfect, and though nothing may be “wrong with you,” we all have something that we can improve on or change within ourselves, minor and major.
I have always been the person who advocates that everyone try out therapy a couple of times in their life because even if you learn nothing new, you still gain more insight about yourself. Most of the time, it’s those who refuse therapy and shut it out from the get-go that can benefit from it the most. Try to clear your head of any preconceived opinions regarding therapy, and truly go in with a clear head that is free of judgment toward all parties involved, including yourself. As we grow up, we lose touch with our inner child and therapy is a great path to bridge that gap between you and your authentic self. It’s a beautiful process to shed away the wear and tear that the world has brought onto you and to rediscover who you always were at your core.