Everyone’s definition of self-care is different. I’m also convinced everyone’s definition of self-care evolves with their needs in particular stages of life. For me, my idea of self-care is anything that helps me make room for my emotions. Sometimes, that means going for a walk with my thoughts or sharing them with others. A lot of the time it means letting the heavy thoughts go. My go-to method of doing so? You can probably guess it: entertainment.
I have a mental list of trusted comfort shows, videos, and music that bring me back to myself when it’s necessary. On a similar, yet completely different note, there are many songs that don’t bring me comfort, rather, they bring a sense of catharsis.
In other words: I love sad songs.
Can you blame me? Firstly, there are so many catchy and amazing sad songs. Plus there’s something deeply personal and exciting when you find a song that clicks. Whether you wish to relate or not, nobody can deny the power of feeling seen. Who wouldn’t want to experience that all the time?
For a while, I considered throwing myself into the songs that set my difficult feelings to music as an act of self-care. And by “a while”, I mean up until last month. It’s tricky. See, resonating with sad songs was my guilty pleasure, and I never realized how overdoing this act of “self-care” transformed it into an act of self-sabotage.
Catharsis is great. Finding a safe, personal outlet for your feelings is freeing and important. After all, the very point of creative expression is to share, exchange, and process emotion. However, when you stick yourself in a spot of catharsis over and over (ie. at the library, on walks to class, during your nighttime routine, etc), you’re preventing yourself from the biggest benefit of catharsis: moving forward.
If you love sad songs because they offer a chance to embrace and free your thoughts, you have to honour that and let those thoughts go once it’s done. I’m certainly not telling you to ‘get over it’ (yuck); I’m encouraging you to move freely through moods as they come, instead of forcing yourself into a mood and planting yourself there. If you ask me, catharsis is meant to realize emotions that must be processed – not to continually foster negative feelings because the familiarity feels safe.
My abuse of catharsis landed me in an unnecessarily rough spot. Fortunately, in the past month, I’ve made a conscious effort to save my list of songs for the days when I need them. In the meanwhile, I pursue decision-making with my ideal emotional outcome in mind. Does this mean every day is perfect? Hah (no). Self-care is usually a step in the right direction, not an end-all. That said, showing yourself even one act of self-care a day can make all the difference. To get meta about it: distinguishing self-sabotage from self-care is my personal act of self-care for the day.
Here’s to ever-evolving definitions and boundaries :)
Be kind to yourself and respect your feelings, people!