Dear Abby: Complicated at College

Dear Abby,

I dated a guy for two years, until I found out he was cheating on me. He is now dating the girl he cheated on me with. We all go to school together which was bad enough to begin with, but now we’re all taking the same lab at school. I have to watch them be cute and lovey-dovey with each other in lab (for four hours), and interact with them in class. I can’t drop the class because I’m a senior and need it to finish my major/graduate on time. I’m miserable…how do I handle this?

–Complicated at College

Dear Complicated at College,

This sucks. It’s always hard when a relationship ends, but when cheating comes into play everything gets about a billion times worse. I think that’s probably the underlying issue of what’s going on here. When you found out he was cheating on you with this girl, did you have the uncomfortable long talk (let’s face it, probably more screaming then talking) or did you just break up really quickly (involving your phone and caps lock)? 

I’m going to go ahead and guess you took the caps-lock path, which is totally understandable because you were probably furious, but it’s also probably the culprit of why you’re feeling depressed and uncomfortable in class. You couldn’t have ever gotten closure on what happened, because if you did you wouldn’t feel this way. An angry break-up is satisfying short-term when you get screwed over in a relationship, but after a while the anger screws you. You’re feeling that squirm that you can only feel when there are things that still need to be said, or a regret of things that were said because you were hurt. I don’t know what your relationship is now with this guy (i’m guessing not good), but I think the only way to solve this is to try and reach out to him in some way, so that you can talk. If you don’t think that’s going to happen or you don’t feel comfortable, try writing him a letter. You can mail it if you want, but by just putting your feelings down on paper you might start feeling better. 

One more thing- don’t bring the other girl into it. It’s not about her, it’s about you and your ex. Even though she was the catalyst for your break up, the important question is why he cheated, not who he cheated on you with. And no, there is no possible way for you to talk about her without spiraling downwards into your dark place where you scream at him about how weird her clothes are and that giant mole on her face (I know, i know, it’s HUGE and how could he NOT be distracted?) 

Don’t give in to it, no matter how tempting it is…you’re so much better than that.

Good luck,

Abby

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