Words of Wisdom: Kenyon Divorce

Everyone always asks for Kenyon dating advice: what do you when you run into that guy you danced with at Old Kenyon the night before at Peirce? How do you progress from the awkward seventh-grade-esque phase to something real? How can you find love in a hopeless place (the Cove)? And HerCampus Kenyon has been great about giving that kind of advice in the past, with everything from guidance from the ultimate wingman to the perks of being single in the winter.

What no one ever seems to address, however, is what to do with what happens next. Maybe you, dear reader, have not yet been through the dreaded Kenyon Break-Up (or post-casual-hang-out-for-three-months) experience, but the anonymous contributors from which we’ve gathered the following words of wisdom sure have…and they’re better for having done so!

So here you have it, some unsolicited, anonymous post-break-up advice specially tailored to Kenyon’s sometimes-claustrophobic, unbearably close-knit community (ever try playing the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon with the people you’ve been with at Kenyon? It’s so easy it’s sad). Read on, young lovers!

 Words of Wisdom:

1. “A platonic male friend is necessary for recovery. He will remind you that not all (members of the sex you are attracted to) are heartbreakers, and can give great alternative perspectives on the situation.”

(It may be necessary to highlight the “platonic” portion of this advice…let’s not get ahead of ourselves, collegiettes.)

2. “Create a break up playlist. Make sure Jason DeRulo’s “Riding Solo” is on it…at least a few times. Especially the part that goes “No one to answer to, no one that’s gonna argue, no. And since I got that hold off me, I’m living life now that I’m free, YEAH.”

(Side note: make sure you’re at a relatively emotional stable point for this one, or else every mention of the word solo is somewhat of a tear-inducer.)

3. “This advice sucks to follow and may go down better with a glass of wine, but you need to realize that a big part of healing is accepting that said person no longer occupies the same role in your life. You can’t worry about them anymore. Making this separation is an impressive expression of your personal growth if you are able to begin living as an independent, single lady. Let’s face it if he can’t make you his everything he shouldn’t be your anything (shoutout Beyoncé!)

(Nothing more needs to be added except that angsty Beyoncé sing-a-longs can be therapeutic.)

4. “Don’t try to handle the situation all at once…there’s no rush to get closure immediately after everything ends. Take time to let yourself progress through the feelings. Be sad if you want to be. Be pissed if you want to be. There’s no use in trying to talk to your ex and be rational and mature while the wounds are still fresh.”

5. “Write letters to your ex, to yourself now, to yourself in five years, to yourself tomorrow, to your mom, to your best friend. Don’t send any of them. Look back in a few days’ or months’ time…they’re great measures of progress. But seriously don’t even think about sending them, or else you won’t say what you really need to say”

6. “Write down one thing that you’re happy about or grateful for every day, you’ll probably be surprised to find that you’re doing better than you think you are.”

7. “Change up your schedule. You’re both going to be trying your hardest to look like you’re not affected by the split and, let’s face it, the last thing you want to see on a Monday morning is your ex’s smiling face in Peirce. And you will.”

(And this doesn’t just have to do with avoidance tactics…a new routine can be a refreshing change of pace…it’s getting to be that time of year where a mundaneness wreaks havoc on your mental and emotional health!)

8. “In a way, every breakup is a bad breakup. If you think it’s worth fighting for, go after it, try to make things work. But if it’s not that kind of a break up….well, accept that it’s not. Don’t play mind games with yourself, accept that it’s over and do what you need to move on.”

(Side note: this piece of advice came from a 16 year old Mount Vernon High School student that I tutor at the Juvenile Probation Center…even he knows what’s up.)

In summation, live, love, and be happy collegiettes! And remember, in the wise words of Jonathan Safran Foer, “You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”