Sexiling 101

It has been a long night at Bucknell; you have done your fishing in Shark Tank, your hunting in the Yellow Wood and your searching for Prince Charming in White Castle.  After burning off hundreds of calories by dancing, you have probably gained back those calories five fold by hitting up Zelda’s.  Oh yes, it was a successful night and now the only thing you want to do is dive into the sea of pillows and blankets that fill your extra long twin.  Walking (or casually stumbling) back to your room, your dream of diving into your bed comes to a quick halt.  Your door is locked and you realize that your roommate got to the room before you did…and she was – and still is – not alone.

If your roommate is a big believer in proper etiquette, she may have courteously posted a handwritten sticky note on the door saying, “please come back later.”  If your roommate watches way too much television and doesn’t know anything about social norms in college, she may even put a rubber band on the door-knob (even the once-witnessed “sock-on-door-knob trick”).  But, if your roommate is anything like most 18 – 21 year old college students, the door will just simply be locked and you will get the message.  We have all experienced this (if not yet, trust me, you will).  So if it is so common, why does it suck so much?

The answer to this question lies deep in psychological analysis and statistical facts…ok, you caught me; research labs would not approve my research methods and neither would my mom.  Regardless, the answer to question is true.  Being sexiled sucks because it means that your roommate is having fun, while you are sitting somewhere twiddling your thumbs.  It could potentially even mean that your roommate has more sex appeal than you do, which would be devastating to any girl’s self esteem.  Lastly, being sexiled sucks because you can’t come home and have pillow talk with your roommate about the night’s events. 

Luckily, for those of you who find themselves in this sticky position, once or nightly, here are some suggestions to make your sexiled nights suck a little less:

The first way to spice up a sexiled night is a trick that I learned from one of sorority sisters who is all too knowledgeable about this subject.  Use your misfortune as an excuse to hang out with a cute boy.  The interaction can go as follows:

You: Oh Dave, so funny running into you on the hall at this time of night.
Dave: Yeah, what are you doing out here?
You: Ugh, Meg sexiled me AGAIN.
Dave: Oh that’s too bad.  Well don’t wait out here by yourself.  You can come to my room.

So maybe life’s not as easy as this rom-com sitch., but let’s pretend.  It has never been so simple – and purposeful- for Dave to save the day.  There is nothing like turning a negative situation into a very, very positive one. 

My second suggestion is to remind yourself that “You is kind, you is smart, you is important”…and that you, too, have sex appeal.   You know how to work it and you work it well.  Just because you chose to have a date with that grilled cheese at Zelda’s, rather than a real person, it doesn’t make you any less appealing…although maybe a few pounds heavier?  My third way to overcome the sexiled blues is to wait until your roommate’s guest leaves and then utilize that time to catch up with her.  Not only will this make up for the missed pillow talk the night before, but also there will definitely be more to discuss.  See it as an opportunity to get to know your roommate better.

So, there you have it ladies.  You are officially informed about the ins and outs of being sexiled.  Although Bucknell doesn’t offer a course on Sexiling 101, it is still important to be educated on the topic.  Be prepared because it is only a matter of time before you will have to use this information to make your sexiled night a little better. Use the information wisely; knowledge is power.