There is one phrase in the English language that you never want to hear. Fingernails on a chalkboard? Worse. Listening to your seventh grade brother learn to play the trumpet for the school band? Worse. Take both of those sounds, add them together, multiply by seven add the disappoint level of House Party Weekend being canceled, and then you have the mathematical equivalent to how bad this phrase is. The number one line that you never want to hear when you are talking with a cute boy at a party is: “be right back, I’m going to get a drink.”
In case there are girls out there wondering why this phrase is so bad, let me fill you in. “Be right back, I’m going to get a drink” in frat language means “I feel too sober to have a conversation with you” in the English language. If only we could fulfill our language requirement with lessons like these. When a guy drops this line, it means the two of you just can’t hold a conversation that is riveting enough to take him away from the keg.
For these reasons, I refer to this line as the “the kiss of death,” although I was debating calling it the “quit it before you hit it.” When I asked collegiates to comment on the “kiss of death,” one provided me with the following story:
“I was dancing with a guy at the lacrosse house and I was so into it. He whispered in my ear ‘I’ll be right back, I am going to get a drink.’ I flashed him a smile and was excited for him to come back. Then, I see him walk away, pull two full beers out of his pockets and drink them simultaneously. Needless to say, he wasn’t coming back.”
Rough…to say the least. This phrase embodies one of our darkest fears: rejection.
While the “kiss of death” might be the worst phrase in the English language, it does have one very redeeming quality: you can use it too. This phrase has saved collegiates on numerous occasions. Heaven forbid you are ever put into a situation where you actually have to have a real life social interaction, feel free to whip it out.
There are numerous occasions where using this excuse is appropriate. If your best guy friend is trying to blur that friendship line to get out of friend-zone this is the perfect time to go “grab that drink.” Or, if that creepy guy emerges out of the dance floor shadows to come talk to you, this would be a great time to use the phrase. Lastly, if you are talking with someone but have your eyes set on someone else, you should consider starting to feel thirsty. Never hesitate to use the “kiss of death.” Just be aware you’re equally chanced to get it used on you. It is simultaneously the best and worst phrase in a college students’ language.