Yes, that V Word. We’re talking about virginity. There is no skirting around it, losing your virginity is something every girl faces. But the situation for losing “it” varies. For some girls, losing their virginity is a big deal. For others, they really just want to get it over with. There is no right or wrong answer, but when it comes to the V Word, we all have our own opinions and feelings. So I decided to ask some college women for their opinions regarding a girl’s virginity and the results may or may not surprise you.
Oh, you’re a virgin?
Nobody knows you are a virgin unless you tell him or her. You do not have a scarlet letter, A, attached to your jacket: it is your business and no one else’s. We all have different reasons why we have it or we don’t, but ultimately it is a personal decision. Most collegiettes who are virgins say they are waiting to be in love or in a committed relationship with someone they care about. One collegiette states, “I just haven’t found the right person yet.” Others felt similar when it came to having sex for the first time. Many girls lost their virginity to a high school boyfriend. “It was a natural part of the progression of our relationship,” says one young woman, “It just felt like the right timing.”
What about the girls who didn’t lose it in high school?
Once some girls entered the college hook-up scene, they were eager to be “deflowered.” One collegiette admits, “To be honest, I just wanted to get it over with; I got to this point where I didn’t care who it was with or when it happened, I just wanted to move on with my life and I felt like being a virgin made me less desirable in the college hook-up culture. I wanted to be able to do whatever I wanted and I felt being a virgin limited my experiences.” Other students also empathize with just wanting to get it over with. “I’m still a virgin, but at this point in my college career, I’m ready for this new experience.”
What about girls who didn’t lose it in a committed relationship or upon arriving on campus?
“I lost my virginity my freshman year of college to a guy I had been consistently hooking up with. We cared a lot about each other, and he was a virgin too, which at the time was important to me,” recalls one collegiette. Another explains, “I lost mine in high school, but not to a boyfriend. I lost it to my best guy friend right before going to college.”
What is it about the word “virgin”?
No matter how you spin it, there are definitely stigmas attached to the word “virgin.” Some of which can definitely sting. “It’s almost like a taboo word,” says one girl, “you think people will treat you differently if they find out your still a virgin and some do.” Some people think having your virginity is admirable, assuming you are simply waiting for Mr. Right or are just not ready yet. Others think at this point in a woman’s life, being a virgin means you are a prude and incredibly conservative. Even words such as inexperienced or undesirable have been used to describe virgins. Ouch. Yet, if you’re not a virgin, there are also other implications. Some girls are confronted with questions such as “Well then, how many people have you slept with?” This causes collegiettes to face the double standards of virginity. If you’re a virgin you are too much of a goody two shoes, but if you’re not a virgin, you probably do the walk of shame too often.
Is there pressure?
Most girls feel like there is definitely pressure to lose their virginity if they haven’t already. Some young women feel the pressure comes from boys, some say from girls, and others say it’s the college hook-up culture. One girl states, “I think sometimes there is pressure from other girls to lose it. When all of your friends are no longer virgins, you sometimes feel left out and perceived as young or immature. There is pressure to just get it over with, it’s like a chore hanging over your head.” Many agree that as you get older, it becomes more of chore than something to look forward to. But others argue it’s worth waiting for Mr. Right. Many girls were divided, however, on whether girls experienced more pressure to lose it than boys. One girl believes, “Guys probably have more pressure to lose it and most of them probably want to, but girls could most likely lose it more easily.”
These are only some of the many opinions, thoughts and feelings surrounding the V Word. Virgin or not, be comfortable with the decisions you make. There is nothing wrong with wanting to swipe your V-Card and there is nothing wrong with waiting. Just remember the choice is yours and yours alone.