An Open Letter To Everyone I Left Behind

Dear Kind Reader,

I have recently begun to reflect on myself and on this past year.  I keep going back to the memories, relationships, and choices I had to make that last year of high school, and as I reflect, I realize that I never had a real reason for wanting to leave, other than my heart yearned for places I had never been.  I’m not going to lie…this has been a lot harder than I ever would have imagined it being.  There’s a lot about being home that I miss, although sometimes I wonder if I miss the memories more than the actual place itself.  In leaving home, I feel as though I never got to say some of the things my heart ached for people to know, and now that I know myself better, I think I can articulate what I truly feel.  

To the friends I left behind: 

I first want to thank you for all incredible memories that you gave me. You have seen me at my middle school awkward and at my senior prom fancy. You have watched me change and grow into the person that I am today, and I will forever be grateful for all the times you stood by me when nobody else did. Stephan Chobsky wrote in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.” People have different ways of coping with change, and maybe that is the reason you decided to shut me out. 

I am just sorry we have grown apart in the ways that we have. I have to admit, I am incredibly hurt by you. I know it is really hard to keep in contact with people, but why would you abandon me the way you have? Why would you tell people that I think I am better than you because I left to another school in another state? That could not be further from the truth. 

I think you are incredible, brave, and strong for making the decisions you did. You were blessed with a life-changing opportunity at your university, just as I was here. Our opportunities were different, but neither option is “better” than the other, but rather, better for us individually in helping us pursue our dreams and aspirations. As hurt and angry as I was in the beginning, I forgive you. Despite everything, I will always love and appreciate you. I hope you know that. 

To the friends who never left my side: 

They say that distance shows you who your true friends are, and with you, that is certainly the case. Thank you so much for never leaving me. It means a lot that you chose to stay by my side and that you continue to conquer life with me. I am so grateful that you continue to be interested in my life. I love our late night phone calls combatting the time difference, catching up on life, love, school, and just about everything else on our minds. I love how you can appreciate how happy I am, and I am just as happy that you are doing well too. I’m sorry that life is hectic, school is busy, and that my life makes me operate at a hundred miles per hour. 

I’m sorry that I sometimes miss your calls or sounds distant.  It’s not you; it’s just the stress of life and college. Please know that my I keep my phone on at night in case you need to call and cry at three in the morning.  Please know that I think of you everyday, and that I look forward to our reunions (especially our vacation to Paris, one day, sitting in a café). 

To the love I left behind: 

Thank you for teaching me that distance means so little when someone in your life means so much. I’m so sorry that I had to leave you, and that I never had a reason as to why I had to. Back at home, I felt suffocated. It was as though I was trapped in a box, and as my dreams and aspirations and passions got bigger, that box got smaller and smaller. It was time for me to break out of the box and see the beauty in the world. 

My heart, soul, and mind craved something that home couldn’t give me. Home could no longer give me adventure, breathless excitement, or the heart pounding adrenaline rush that travel and change gives me. It had absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me. I couldn’t stand the claustrophobia of being home any longer. 

I wish you were here and it didn’t have to be like this, but I hope you know that you gave me an incredible gift in letting me leave and continuing to love me. It has proven to me how real and beautiful our relationship is, and what an outstanding man you are. I am so happy right now. I can study the things that I love, be around people I relate to, and experience a new thing every day. Thank you for giving me that opportunity, and thank you for continuing to love me through the good and the bad. As amazing as the world is, nothing could ever be as stellar as you are. 

Take care of yourselves! Steve Jobs once wisely said that, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” I hope the dots connect in a way that brings you joy and love. Those are really the only things that matter in life.

Love always,

Chloe

Follow HCND on Twitter, like us on Facebook, Pin with us and show our Instagram some love!

Images: Provided by the author

• change
• college
• growing up
• home
• moving on
• travel