Tips for a Long Way Home

My small town in New York, about 30 minutes outside of Manhattan, is eight and half hours away from Gambier, Ohio. When I drive to Kenyon, the drive is a solid day of travel, but it’s nothing compared to my friend from Oakland, California, or even Boston. Regardless, I’ll endeavor to do my best with five tips on how to survive however long your ride is from school to home.

1. Moby Dick

On the occasion of my family’s first trip to this heart of America, we checked out at least five books on tape from the library, including Bossypants by Tina Fey and Holidays On Ice by David Sedaris. Both happen to be personal favorites of mine, but eventually I handed  the reigns to my dad and in popped Melville. I was instantly asleep for the next two hours. So not great for the driver, but for your passengers? Awesome.

1. Conceptual Listening

Don’t you always hear those people who actually “know” music talking about concept albums and then you feel inadequate because you’ve been buying/illegally downloading singles since middle school? Take this time to talk to one of your friends who reads album reviews for kicks and ask them for the four best concept albums of the last few years. Listen to them completely, and then once more, and then pretend you know what you’re talking about when you get to wherever you’re going.

1. Hostage Listener

My sisters and I always loved taking rides alone with our mom because we were able to hold her hostage for however long the trip was. She literally could not leave and so she, admittedly happily, had to listen. Take this opportunity, friends, and use your road trip to figure out why you’re afraid of snakes, or commitment. Word of advice: return the favor to your buddy. Don’t take up the whole 12 hours with yourself, that’s rude and probably uninteresting to both them and you.

1. Creative Dictation

Caveat: This will not function if your scribe of choice gets car sick. In truth, I would be terrible at this. Regardless, the concept still stands. Channel Kerouac, as we all sometimes should, and have one of your pilgrimage passengers write down your stream of conscience. Frightening though that kind of intimacy may be, you’ll get that kind of closeness after 14 hours going through Pennsylvania anyway; might as well produce something out of it.

1. Foreign Fun Time

Time to learn Japanese! Get a Rosetta Stone tape, or better yet, drive home someone who knows just enough to be better than you, and go for it. You’ve got five billion hours of the open road to kill. Only speak Spanish all through Indiana, or every other word in French while you hit up every gas station from here to Florida.

In all seriousness, a trip like this can feel overwhelming due, in large part, to the fact that it actually is. But it’s manageable, especially if you use this ridiculous amount of time to do something productive. I hope these pieces of advice make your trip just a little more pleasant!

Image sources: Scind.org, Google.com, Giphy.com

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