Breakups suck. Almost everyone has to go through one at some point in their lives, but they can lead to seemingly perpetual feelings of despair. Know that you are not alone and that there are ways for coping with them. Once you start coping healthily, you will be on your way back to a happy life.
1. Accept that it’s over.
Sometimes relationships can be addicting, which is part of what makes breakups so hard. The first step is always accepting that it’s over. You cannot begin to heal until you stop begging him to make it work or holding onto the hope of getting back together.
2. Allow yourself a healthy amount of time to grieve.
Whatever you do, do not suppress your emotions. It’s completely normal to feel sad, but if you ignore your emotions they WILL come back to haunt you months later; all the hurt inside you will build up until you explode. Also, this means: do not jump back into a new relationship right away. A rebound is only a way to hide from your heartbreak and will not heal your insecurity.
3. Throw away all reminders of him.
All those pictures, clothes, stuffed animals and any other mementos he has given you — throw them away. Or, at the very least, put them in a box and hide it until you feel strong enough to throw it away. You can’t get over him if you have little reminders of him all over your bedroom.
4. Do not try and be friends right away.
Many people make the mistake of saying “I want to still be friends!” — and it almost never works. This statement is just used as a crutch when you don’t want to let the other person go. Take a long, healthy break from him. If you start treating him as a friend too soon, it will only milk the feelings you had for him in the relationship. Make sure you are 100% over him before you even think about a friendship.
5. Stop putting him up on a pedestal.
If you find yourself thinking you lost the perfect guy, think again. Love often blinds us to people’s obvious imperfections. Take a real look at him. You hated his stupid car obsession, he was horribly impatient, he was a jerk around his friends, or maybe sometimes he ignored your text messages. It’s reasons like these that make you realize you deserve better and that he wasn’t so great.
6. Think of all the reasons you’re better off without him.
Failed relationships are a learning experiences, and most of the time they’re for the better. Maybe you two fought a lot and you no longer have to spend so much time being angry. Maybe it was a long distance relationship and you constantly stressed about him being faithful to you. Realize that this ended relationship is saving you a lot of stress and misery in the long run.
7. Keep a journal of your thoughts.
Sometimes you just want to rant to him about all the hurt he has caused you…but, it would be a bad idea to actually do that. Ranting is healthy for you, though. Keep a journal for your thoughts and when you’re upset, write. It’s scientifically proven to be therapeutic, and it actually can help you feel better. Take the troubled thoughts out of your head and put them on paper instead.
8. Surround Yourself with Friends.
While sometimes you just need to be alone and be sad, do not become a recluse. Get out there and surround yourself with your best friends. They will distract you and make you happy again. Also, many people tend to disregard their friends when they’re caught up in a relationship, so now is your chance to reconnect and apologize for ignoring them.
9. Discover a new, independent you.
Focus on yourself. When you’re in a relationship you may put the other person in front of your needs. Take that study abroad trip you always wanted to go on. Get a daring new haircut. Immerse yourself in your passion. When you channel your energy into yourself, you will not only become happier, but it will help you realize you will go on without him.
10. Acknowledge that you will find someone better.
The biggest thing girls often say when they are going through breakups is that they’re terrified they will never find someone as good as their old boyfriend. That’s a lie. The fact that it didn’t work out shows that there IS someone better out there who won’t give up when the going gets tough. If your ex couldn’t appreciate who you are, the right person for you will.
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