Even though a lot of us, myself included, were impatient for 2015 to wrap up and leave, now that it’s gone I’ve realized it wasn’t all that bad. Sure, I was stressed, and nothing really went the way I thought it would, but 2015 proved itself to be a decent teacher. Of those many lessons I learned last year, here are my highlights.
1. It is okay to ask for help.
I’ve always been a stubborn person, and with that comes a whole lot of pride. Yeah, I don’t tend to ask for help very often. The truth is that I would rather figure it out on my own so no one has to know that I was struggling in the first place. This is because as much as I claim I don’t get embarrassed very often, I totally do. Maybe I don’t show it, but I will think about that embarrassing thing I did from the second it happens to a week later when I’m standing in the shower. I combat this by attempting to recover before anyone notices that something is off. While this is a useful thing to know how to do, sometimes no matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to achieve something on your own. It’s like one of those two-player video games, where one player has to pull the lever so that another player can get through the trapdoor. I usually get frustrated when I have to ask for help because it has always felt like surrendering to me. I’ve realized that you will sometimes need assistance to move forward. People ask me for help all the time, and the only thing “embarrassing” is believing that I will always have everything under control.
2. Some people are going to leave, and I need to let them go.
I’ve always had a tendency to make excuses for the people in my life. Whether it was because someone was late for a lunch date or because they had seriously offended me, it became a habit to brush it off. It wasn’t as though I couldn’t tell I was being mistreated, or that I didn’t notice their disregard, but rather that I chose not to notice. When you’ve had someone in your life for a long time, the idea of them no longer being around is a little disconcerting. What this past year has shown me is this: Letting go often seems more difficult than holding on, but when someone wants to leave, it is better to let them do just that. Your life will be better for it. It is okay to care about people, and it is okay to miss people once they’re gone. But it’s not okay to always shorthand yourself to avoid inconveniencing others.
3. On that note, welcome change.
Of all the things my best friend has said to me, one of my favorites has been: “The only consistent thing in life is that there is always change.” I was always the person who felt that things were perfect the way they were – I adjusted quickly and got attached quickly. So naturally, I’ve never been one to welcome a whole lot of change. After one stage of my life comes to a close, I always go through a period of dreading the things to come, and I always get so anxious about having to find a new routine. Maybe it’s my mild OCD, and maybe it’s just childish. Either way, the fact that so many things changed simultaneously in 2015 really helped me face my fears head-on. The idea of everything being different in a year still makes me nervous, but I’ve learned that it’s a part of life, and that it’s a great way to know that you are going forward in life. Maybe one day I’ll even start looking forward to it.
4. I’m not going to be able to find the positive side of everything, and that’s okay.
Not everything has a silver lining. Some things happen and they suck, and that is pretty much all there is to it. I used to pride myself on being an optimist, and sometimes I still am. I was also under the misconception that this meant I had to be happy. All. The. Time. For those who don’t know, this will get exhausting and very old, very quickly. I still try to see the best in everything because there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve just stopped giving myself a hard time when I can’t find anything to be happy about. Bad days get the best of us, and there are days when I walk around with a large hypothetical raincloud above my head. Like real rain, though, it passes. We just need to accept that bad things will happen, and all you can do is recover from them as they go. We would never appreciate the good stuff if we never worried about the bad stuff, after all. Sure, that sounds like a cheesy Disney quote, but it isn’t wrong.
5. I am so much stronger than I used to think.
This is possibly the most important lesson. We go about life believing that doubts, insecurities and stress are signs of weakness. I’ve looked at other people who seemed to be keeping it together so much better, and I’ve secretly envied them. I would be disappointed in myself for getting riled up over an exam score, or having one of those days when I didn’t feel like myself. What I learned in 2015 was this: I am not weak. These things do not make me a weak person. So many things have knocked me down, and I have always managed to build myself back up again. I’ve accepted that things will not be easy. Like everything else I’ve mentioned, it’s okay. Sure, 2015 wasn’t my favorite year by any means, and sure, I feel like it was tougher on me than I deserved. But it gave me a platform that I can use to build myself up, so I am taller, stronger, more confident and happier than I have ever been.
Happy New Year, collegiettes! Let’s make 2016 a good one together.
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