Breakups force you to do a lot of thinking. Whether you are going through a breakup right now, or thinking about making a change, there are a few feelings you may not be able to anticipate about breakups until it actually happens. These feelings of uncertainty are really stressful, so here are a few things you should know about breakups.
1. There will never be a good time to break up with someone.
Whether it’s prom, graduation, a party, a vacation, or a dinner reservation, there will always be something in the future that will make you hold on to someone. It might feel easier to do hold on to someone until “the right time” comes along, rather than break up. In reality, there will always be a right time. Putting off a break up will only make it worse for everyone involved.
2. It’s not your fault.
If you’re the one thinking about making the break, a major fear can be how your significant other will react. Maybe they’ll be angry, maybe they’ll be sad, maybe they’ll be disappointed. No matter what, it’s not your fault. It’s okay to put your own happiness first.
If you’re the one being broken up with, it’s not your fault either. People change, especially as people grow and mature throughout college. Sometimes people can grow with each other, and sometimes they can’t. Growing apart can sometimes just be a part of life.
3. Flying solo can be fun.
The security of having someone you can always do something with can be comforting. When you are in a relationship, it’s easy to get into the habit of always having your SO to get lunch with you, go to the gym or keep you company while you have to walk your dog. The idea of this going away can be intimidating, but it can actually be really fun to do things independently. In Rachel Sussman’s book The Breakup Bible, she describes three phases to getting through a breakup or divorce: healing, understanding and transformation. The surprising part of this healing process might be the transformation. Spending time by yourself may allow you to learn about yourself in ways that are different than when you were in a relationship. Take yourself shopping, get your nails done or discover a new restaurant by yourself. You might be surprised how good it feels.
4. You’re stronger than you think.
There’s no avoiding the fact that breakups are tough, but you’re tough too. Allowing your friends, family, and pets to help you get through a difficult time will make things easier. It’s hard to let go of something that made you happy at some point, but you might be surprised at how easy it can be to make your own happiness. Never compromise on your own happiness at out of fear of the negative emotions that are an inevitable part of breakups. As Paulo Coehlo writes in his book The Alchemist, “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.” Of course breakups hurt, but you can handle it.Â
5. Go with your gut.Â
If something doesn’t feel right for you, it’s not. If you want out, then get it’s okay to get out. For smart, strong and capable collegiettes, the future is so bright. Trust yourself enough to make the right decisions in your relationships. There is no reason to compromise on your happiness. It takes a lot of strength and maturity to have confidence in all of your decisions, but if you are contemplating where to go with your relationship, go with your gut.Â
If you have ever felt unsafe in your relationship and need more information, you can go to the hotline or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
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