Dear Seasonal Depression,
Here we are once again. We have met the doom that has me feeling broken and unwanted. Why do I have to feel like this? Why can’t I just be the happy-go-lucky person that I usually am? These questions haunt me as I struggle to get through the beginning of my day and attempt to make it to my classes. I hate this. I am not the person that doesn’t care; I am not the person that just wants to sleep all day. I’m the girl who loves being around her friends and you cause me to feel upset and as if I don’t want to be surrounded by the people who love me.
I wake up in the morning thinking that the day is going to be good, but then I’m too scared to get up and actually face the reality that the day might not go the way that I want it to. You force me to go back to bed, depression, and not face the day until I’m finally at a point where if I don’t get up I will never get anything done.
My friends are worried about me; I know they are but I can’t bring myself to care enough to do anything about it. They text me and ask me if I’m okay and I just want to tell them to come over so I can cry and tell them I don’t know what’s going on, but the only words I can seem to muster out are “I’m okay.
Whenever I’m around people I put on my happy face and pretend that nothing is wrong. They say that the people with the biggest smiles are hurting the most, and I think I believe them. I always have a huge smile on my face because I don’t want to be a burden to the people around me.
I want to know that everything will be okay and that I won’t feel like this forever. Sometimes I just don’t know if I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to remember that you can’t define me depression, and that there is always something that is pushing me to work harder to get rid of you.
No matter how much I’m hurting, I will get over this slump that I so dearly know as my seasonal depression. You can’t define who I am; I am stronger than that, and I have the strength to never give up.
Sincerely,
The girl suffering