8 weeks before the deadline…
Let’s first assume you attended for starters. Picture yourself sitting in a lecture, or a seminar, sleepily nodding along as your professor informs you of your impending doom — maybe a 3500 word essay due at the end of the semester, worth perhaps a measly 100% of your module grade. You acknowledge this moment with a barely conscious smile, as you smugly think about how far away 8 weeks is, and how insignificant this coursework seems when there is a comfy bed to sleep in and socials to be enjoyed. Ah, ignorance is bliss. You’ll look back on this moment before too long, and swear to God that you’ll take it seriously next time.
4 weeks before the deadline…
A few weeks pass, and you are settling nicely into your module. You even have learned a few things along the away. Your lecturer brings up your coursework in passing, telling you and your cohorts that it’s time to start thinking of a few ideas for essay titles, and what has interested you so far in the module. They tell you it’s alright if you haven’t started properly yet, and you take this to heart a little too much and tell yourself that inspiration will strike quite naturally.
3 weeks before the deadline…
In a lecture a week later, your stupid friend next to you asks you how your coursework is coming along. You look at her incredulously, as if to say: ‘What coursework? I have no idea what you’re talking about!’
She gives you a sympathetic (smug) smile, and gently informs you that you have coursework due in 3 weeks time.
You feign mock (nervous) laughter, and say: ‘oh of course! I’ve almost forgotten about that! I did that like 2 weeks ago!’
She looks at you, and you both know you’re lying, but as she is your friend, she is gracious and doesn’t call you out.
1 week before the deadline…
You spend this week clearing out your schedule which consists of drinking, sleeping, and catching up on all the other work you have missed.
You spend a lot of time thinking about how you should make a start on the work, which unfortunately leaves little time for actually doing it.
Nonetheless, all this time spent thinking about doing work is tiring and stresses you out, so you treat yourself to some me time to reboot.
2 days before the deadline…
Where has the time gone? You are convinced there is some conspiracy theory, and you have somehow missed out on the last 5 days. You have been spending too many late nights watching documentaries of dubious quality. Your housemates have to reassure you that everything is okay, as you hold back the mental breakdown. That would not be a constructive use of your time right now.
Proceed to spend the night on Wikipedia and finding academic sources (shmoop, gcse bitesize and co.) which you save in a folder on your computer. Feeling a faint sense of elation and achievement at all the work you’ve managed to do in half an hour, you reward yourself with 3 episodes of your favourite show on Netflix.
24 hours before the deadline…
Work begins (for real this time). Never in your life have you been so productive. The words are flying straight out of your mind and onto the computer screen. Such flow! Such eloquence! Such genius!
In your drug-addled state, you can’t tell whether it’s the caffeine or the crazy talking, but you are like Einstein on acid right now.
Hand in day…
You march onto campus with a strong determination, a determination fuelled by the determination not to get kicked out of your uni. You read your essay one last time and see that you have written the word determination three times in the same sentence. You quash all thoughts of doubt, and declare it creative intention.
You shove past all the stupid freshers who have no idea what work actually is. ‘Why do they even bother working?’ you wonder irritably. Their work doesn’t even count!
You stumble around blindly in Hallward until you find a working printer and half run/walk until you reach the box of doom.
You say ‘fuck it’ and wait patiently for your fate.
2 weeks after freedom…
You discover you got a low 2:2.
Edited by: Amy Hawthorne
Sources:
http://giphy.com/search/falling-asleep
http://popkey.co/m/Vejm3-friends-chandler+bing
https://rebekahkoontzsite.com/2016/10/09/moments-that-make-you-feel-like-an-idiot/
http://www.reactiongifs.com/tag/conspiracy/
http://www.unilad.co.uk/politics/theres-already-a-crazy-conspiracy-theory-about-jo-coxs-murder/