Being successful in whatever we do is something we have been encouraged to do since we were young, and therefore it is something we often strive to be.
But what happens when society conditions males and females to think differently about themselves, often leaving women with no confidence? Well it is simple: We are living in a patriarchal society in which men are somehow born leaders, while women have to watch silently from the sidelines. Environments that often supress women raise generations of females to believe they are not as “worthy” as men.
An important thing to realize is that these socially constructed concepts are actually holding women back from their full potential. But the good news is these concepts can be altered, and part of this change comes from the mindsets women create for themselves.
COO of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg pointed out in her TED talk that there are three important mindsets to have to be a successful female:
“Sit at the table.”
Though being a student and maybe holding an internship or entry-level position may lead you to think that you are not “good enough”, it is simply not true. By sitting at the table, making yourself known, speaking up and sharing your ideas, you show you are capable, and you have an incredible amount of confidence.
Translate this behaviour into your lecture room or your seminar, and your professor or teacher’s assistant will notice your self-confidence. Making yourself known and having connections with your instructors can lead to further opportunities in the future, whether it be a post-graduate endeavour or in your personal career field. As Sandberg said in her presentation, women and girls are more likely to lowball themselves in GPA, in salary expectations, and will not give themselves enough credit for their success. All of these things might seem like small concepts, but it adds to how females see themselves, therefore how society also views them.
“Make your partner a real partner.”
Being a part of a marriage is probably not on your mind right now (and won’t be for a while), which is honestly completely normal and understandable. But this doesn’t mean that we are not constantly involved in relationships with men. Whether it be a romantic relationship or a platonic one, it is important to set the mood for equality.
Sandberg refers to this mindset as women holding men accountable for their messes, wants and needs in the household—regardless of whether there are children involved or not.
When there are children, in my opinion, these points of conversations are even more important because you are now taking care of a whole new person, as well as shaping their first beliefs in the world. Applying this to your romantic and platonic relationships with men is easy: both of you can pay for dinner, both can open the door for one another, both can educate yourselves, create goals, and simply think of each other as your equal (because you are equals).
Though a relationship often only includes two people, these mindsets often translate themselves beyond your relationship. It could determine how he goes on to treat his next girlfriend, his future wife, you, his other girlfriends, his neighbour, the woman cashing him out, and any other woman he encounters in his lifetime. Demonstrating and practicing gender equality can carry over to a multitude of people, and it also makes you realize you really are equal, and you are good enough.
“Don’t leave before you leave.”
Thinking about your future is not uncommon, especially for people who are entering their last year of university. But just because you’re thinking about it does not mean it’s a set plan. Schedules, plans and goals change. Having an idea of the future is good, but the problem is thinking it’s not going to change. That’s when you block yourself off from looking at different options. You stop putting in the effort; therefore, if there is no effort being put in, there will be nothing to set you apart. Don’t stop trying until you have to, until you have reached your safe haven.
These different ways of thinking can help you gain confidence in yourself and in the way you see yourself, and it can help the progress of feminism in society because of the way you impact those around you. Never give up on something you love, and never stop others from that either.