I’ve re-written this
A hundred times before
But I just can’t find the right words to say
The right words to tell you
Please take this
And think
Put yourself in my shoes before you respond
You’ve asked before
And I’m sorry that I lied,
But you weren’t supposed to ask
I wasn’t ready then
I’m not ready now
I’m scared of what you will say
What you will think
But
It’s how I feel, I can’t change it,
I’m sorry.
As I write these words they still don’t feel right
I know they never will.
And as my pen glides along this paper
And I scratch out the words that don’t seem right
I picture your face in my head
The disappointment
The confusion
A chance you could never look at me the same way
A chance you could never love me the same way
Will you avoid me?
Lie to your friends about me?
Would you abandon me altogether?
Or worse,
Would tell me that you are disappointed in me?
If I could change it I would,
But I can’t
And I can’t find the right words to say.