Ways to deal with Death in College:
Dear Reader,
Hello from a college kid going through it just like you. If you clicked on this here article I assume you experienced the passing of someone, and for that I am sorry. If you clicked on this not really knowing what was up ***trigger warning*** I will be talking about death but also coping with it all. It is currently three p.m. and my sixth weekend at college, as a freshman. It has been a lot of fun, yet a rollercoaster for sure. As I begin to share my personal experiences, I hope the audience takes away from this is that: validation IS important, life/death should be celebrated, distractions help, and asking for support is never something to hesitate about.
To give you some background on where I am at, towards the beginning of the month I was visiting home, and my mother came to me with some upsetting news about my childhood dog, Biscuit. She was practically blind and clearly anxious, amongst other health issues, so we came to an understanding that she would need to be put down. Immediately I started feeling an array of emotions, typically for me its anger from lack of understanding the “whys” in the world. Now you might be thinking: this is SO melodramatic or it is JUST a dog, but something I was told once changed my outlook on life and grief all at once. It is that pain is relative, one thing you deem “small” or “silly” is somebody else’s whole world, and vice versus so I feel like the first step is validating your emotions. Understanding that your mind matters will get you far in life. Take every sad, angry, confused, or worried emotion you feel and process it. Let it all out, you will feel better, in the long run, knowing you got through this first step.
Secondly, I recommend a change of perspective when someone you love is moving on from the world. The best thing you can do for yourself is to acknowledge that they are free of pain and in a better place. Hope and support from friends/family/elders/a stranger can be super underrated when all you want to do is be alone and isolate yourself. For those who are reading as friends of someone who lost a loved one, just be there. Sometimes silence and presence are healing to the soul. Ask questions, deep or surface level, but also try to be patient. As mentioned before pain is felt differently and sometimes space is needed. No matter how long someone or something lived, being here at all is a gift most people look over. Even looking at the birth rates in the U.S. is insane! I read up on the CDC webpage about these rates, “The general fertility rate for the United States declined 2% in 2018 to 59.1 per 1,000 women aged 15–44 from 60.3 in 2017”
To continue on about the amazing works of friendship and distraction when dealing with loss, I wanted to briefly suggest some ways to get out of “the house”.
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Go eat! Taking care of basic life functions can be the worst when you are down, but is still important. Personally, I love eating sushi and soup when I feel sick or stressed.
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Take a walk, Take in your environment! Straight up, I have seen some beautiful sunrises and sunsets. The ones here in Rockhill though, are another level of good warm feelings. Hitting up the eagle fields, or the balconies of DIGS and just watching the sky is really calming to me.
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Get involved on campus! You hear it constantly here, but try telling me it isn’t helpful… Exactly! You meet new people, try something new or something you like and most importantly, you are being productive.
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Ask a classmate to study! Not only will you be getting work done, but you would be making connections with people you see weekly. Who knows where those connections will take you!
I hope this somewhat helped anyone out there, like me going through it. Death is bound to occur and grief is processed differently for everyone. If after reading this, you still feel off or like you are drowning, know that feeling like that is normal in these situations. The upside though is our wonderful campus has resources for you like our Health and Counseling Services, in Crawford. I recommend talking to a counselor anytime not just when you are struggling. As humans we walk similar paths and connect in ways that are beyond me. Let this be a reminder to always check up on the people you surround yourself with because you never know what internal battles people are fighting. I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their week and makes every day better than the last.
– From a college kid just like you