I’ve been writing poetry every since I knew how to write. It’s one of my favorite ways to express myself and be creative. Poetry helps me put words to feelings I can’t describe and allows me to pour out my heart in an ambiguous way. At this point, I have undoubtedly written hundreds and hundreds of poems and still have some stashed away, which I wrote as early as age four (no, they are not good, trust me). Growing up, I shared my poems without hesitation and it was not uncommon for me to write them for my relatives, friends, teachers, and other loved ones. But around the time I entered high school, I completely stopped sharing my poetry. My writing became more personal. Sharing a poem meant sharing some of my deepest feelings, which I had no desire to do. Since the beginning of high school to now, I have only shared my poetry with a small handful of people. And even then, I am still hesitant to share my deeper and more personal poems. But for someone who will never shut up about the importance of vulnerability and courage regarding our experience as humans, I thought I should make sure I’m not being a hypocrite.
So here I will share three poems I wrote during periods of uncertainty. Poems I haven’t shared elsewhere and never intended to. These are by no means my favorite poems, and are of a small percentage of my writing which feels more negative than uplifting— but that’s not the point, the feelings are honest. They were not all written recently, but I will leave them undated and unexplained, because I don’t want to influence your perception of them. Hopefully you interpret them in a way that is at least a little bit meaningful or relatable. And if they don’t resonate with you at all, that’s cool too!
[Daydreaming]
the humming warmth
of sunlit memories
that have yet to reach me
buzz in my mind
like dainty determined insects
bound to hold me
to bathe in my energy
which has grown so patiently
for raw tender moments
romantic and platonic alike
[Cold Thoughts]
visions of grey pale mornings
and chapped lips
jerk me awake
tonight i sleep dreamlessly
tormented by these thoughts
numbers,
untouched by the hour’s hand
breathe down my neck
like a hungry bear.
going deeper,
into a white weary wood
these trees and their absence of stains and stitches
pierce my gut
like a sharp twig
splinters,
loosen under my skin
to the will of the hours
the days
the months
like my sense of security
afraid to devote myself wholeheartedly
to feelings of impermanence,
but I force these cold thoughts into silence.
[A Sore Melody]
everyday
I watch my gentle soul collapse
into the pit
of bottomless uncertainty
I can feel her
growing bitter
to the light that scrapes her fingertips
and keeps her up at night
like a sore melody
screaming
with the shrill
of prideful, careful mockery
x Nicole Leary