Most people come to college and end up meeting a significant other, eventually ending with a proposal during senior year. Other people date around in college and end up moving in with someone after graduation. However, I’m graduating and I’ve never seriously dated anyone in my four years at college. I came to college expecting to find the love of my life BUT ended up falling in love with myself. I ended up learning how to be alone. My freshmen self might have sadly looked at me and felt sorry for me, but my senior self understands the ups and downs I have faced with dating and wanting to be in a relationship for the longest time.
There comes a time in our lives (or there came a time in mine) where I felt like I HAD to be in a relationship. Most of my friends were dating and I started looking at my singledom as a failure. I felt like I had nothing interesting to offer. What followed was months of therapy where I learned that my lack of being in a relationship did not reflect my self-worth unless I let it stand in the way of how I view myself. I learned that I did not have to spend hours on dating apps or subscribe to Tinders Gold subscription to find love.
Related: “I Love This for Me”: The Language and Small Acts of Self-Love
I told myself that I needed to calm down. Love would walk in when I was doing what I loved and not actively searching for it. So, I decided to get back to the roots of what I loved doing instead of swiping and watched a bunch of TV shows. I also watched multiple TED Talks that talked about taking a break from dating and that’s exactly what I did. I deleted the apps and went cold turkey for three months which was very hard. But I started to discover that I LOVED being by myself. I was looking forward to my own company at the end of the day, and I loved feeling no pressure to impress no one but myself. Being busy and signing up for a bunch of responsibilities helped until I got into the routine of me, myself and I. And as cheesy as this sounds, I started falling in love with myself. My self-esteem and confidence increased. I realized that I had so much love in myself already and I felt safe. I was and AM okay being single. In fact, I’m enjoying it and it helps me not settle for less than I deserve.
Via Giphy
I’d always had this fear of ending up alone and I know I have made progress when the thought does not scare me anymore. I have accomplished so many wonderful things on my own and will continue to do so whether I have someone or not. I honestly don’t know what the future holds but it is a huge pressure off of my shoulders when I tell myself that I don’t have to try. I just have to be. I can do the things I love and continue to grow in my personal life so that when someone comes along, I will be able to share a sense of fulfillment with them.
Morgan Harper Nichols said, “As you watch beautiful things fall into place for others, I hope you know that there’s still time for you.” We have truly not missed out on what was meant for us. I can say with complete confidence now that I truly enjoy being single.
P.S: I’m back on dating apps and having a much better time being super picky!