Yesterday, I went to the mall – one of America’s biggest cultural symbols of socialization- by myself. My roommate was working at one of the stores that night. My other roomies and friends were up to other shenanigans and I was feeling a strange sense of anxiety just thinking about hanging out with a big group of friends. So, I got in my car, blasted Taylor Swift, and drove to the mall by myself.
Even as I drove, I began to feel a sense of calmness. It was very dark outside (shoutout to the time change for making it dark at 5pm) in addition to being rainy, which would normally make me nervous while driving. However, I took the car ride to check in on myself. Was I sitting upright to ease neck and back pain brought on by slouching? Was I thinking in positives, not negatives? Was my body signaling to me that it needed anything? I found that this helped raise my spirits and quiet the anxiety I was feeling earlier in the day.
Once I got to the mall, I felt free. I could go into the stores I wanted to and try on clothes without worrying about holding people up. I never really felt alone either. Granted, it was a Saturday night, so the mall was full of people. But I felt as if I were on a date with myself, getting to know myself more, from simple things like what Bath and Body Works scent is my favorite to deeper things like realizing what was making me anxious earlier today and what I could do to change that from happening again. I visited my roommate, picked up a few small items to complete my mall haul, and then headed home, with Taylor Swift still blasting in my car.
The moral of my night last night is to take yourself on dates. In a world that revolves around your image, which oftentimes includes how many friends you have and how often you hang out with them, it can be relieving to be with you and you alone. Treat yourself to a cup of coffee at your favorite coffee shop and listen to yourself. If sitting alone feels unnatural, bring a journal or your laptop to write about what’s going on in your brain. Go for a drive and play all your favorite songs, taking mental note of the songs that make you feel the most. Go for a walk in your neighborhood or college campus and breath in the crisp air, letting your lungs fill. Most importantly, check in on yourself. Even if you have several amazing friends and a loving partner, no one truly knows you like you do. Take care of yourself. Build up some self love and treat yourself with the love you deserve (and trust me, you deserve all the love in the world).
HCXO, Hannah N.
*gifs courtesy of giphy.com